Chapter 21 ~ Bad Vintage

Edward POV

Dear Mr. Cullen,

I know you might be wondering why I’m writing to you.  I wouldn’t blame you if you were to throw this letter out before reading it.

But I hope you won’t.

I started to write Edward, but can’t seem to find the words to say to him.  Knowing he probably hates me right now.  Maybe you can send him my apologies at some point?  I’d really appreciate that.

I’m aware of what Felix told his dad about the night I was taken to the hospital.

I’m not supposed to talk about it, according to my parents. Mr. Volturi paid my dad a lot of money to move us away.  He’s covering my recovery bills, as well…But I didn’t think it was fair that you of all people think Edward acted any way but heroic. In my eyes, anyway.

We weren’t “fooling around” that night, Mr. Cullen.  At Felix’s house. We were, I mean, Felix and I, that is…he had taken me there, against my will.  I’m fairly certain he was going to hurt me and if Edward hadn’t been there, well, I still have bad dreams about what might have happened.

I’m not an innocent girl, Mr. Cullen. I don’t pretend to not have a reputation but Felix’s intentions weren’t mutual and as much as I might have deserved what had been coming to me, that night, I am grateful Edward stopped him.

I have scars from the burns that will never go away, and they will always remind me that in some ways, I brought them on, myself, but I’m trying to move passed all of that.

Edward is a good guy, Mr. Cullen.  Please don’t blame him.  He’s done nothing but be there for me, despite my less than honorable actions while I was his girlfriend.

Thank you.

For taking the time to read this and if you could, just, tell Edward I’m sorry.

For everything.

Sincerely,

Jane Hanover

I stared at the letter for a few minutes, after reading Jane’s words.

I wasn’t really sure what was going through my own mind, much less, what there was to say about any of it.

I wondered why dad hadn’t mentioned it.

Why Alice had.

Why any of it made any difference in the way I viewed the last four years and yet, it did.

“Edward?”

Bella was discreetly making sure I knew she was present as my eyes moved from the words on that piece of paper, to Alice, who was cautiously awaiting my reaction to this new data.

“You knew about this?”

She nodded.  “He didn’t want me to say anything, Edward…it was his call.”

I laughed at her.

Despite the fact that nothing about the situation was funny.

“That’s getting kinda old, Alice.”

“I wanted to,” she attempted to assure me and I’m sure my face reflected the absurdity that her statement represented to me. “I just…” her eyes dropped. “Like I said, it was his call.”

“His call to what?  Not fucking tell me he knew I wasn’t a complete fuck up, after all?” I asked her. “To…fucking…”

No words.

They weren’t coming to me.

“He tried to contact you.”

And I’m shaking my head at her, at that point…but she’s insisting.

“Edward…”

“Bullshit!”

“He did.  Edward, you’re not the easiest person to get in touch with when you’re not on base…and you’re apparently not on base…a lot.”

And I knew.

I knew he’d tried.

I’d gotten the message.

Singular.

As in once.

But I’d thrown the piece of paper away with his name on it without even looking to see what it had said.

I wasn’t ready yet.

Not then.

Possibly, not even now.

“He might have been a shit, hell he knew he’d been a shit…but believe me when I say this, Edward, he did try.  He wanted to try, he just…”

She lost her train of thought, or something, then and I looked at her one more time, on that note, and decided…I wasn’t doing this with her.

 “He should have tried harder,” I told her and then I begged silently for Bella’s hand as I left to get some sleep in an attempt to forget about the day.

Because there was no doubt in my mind that the next one, was gonna be long.

She put her hand into mine, squeezing it tightly, and we headed up the stairs, leaving Alice to keep as much shit to herself as she wanted to.

I wondered where Jane mighta been then, three and a half years later.

Had she healed at all?

Had she moved on from it?

And then I thought about the word she’d used in her letter to Carlisle.

Heroic.

And that word…it just sat there, thick as San Francisco’s fog.  Like a time bomb, waiting to explode.

Or dissipate.

I wasn’t sure which.

In my room, Bella and I were both quiet for a while as I got back out of the dingy jeans I’d been wearing.

I was starting to feel like Karma was just kicking my ass left and right because with every decent moment with her, I swear…it felt like five fucked ones followed right behind.

I mean this shit.

That letter…it was…

I had absolutely no clue as to what I was supposed to do with that information and to be honest, I didn’t really want to try and figure it out, just yet.

So, I slipped into the bed, face down and Bella sat next to me, placing her hand on my back, letting her fingers swirl at the nape of my neck.

“Aren’t you gonna tell me I can’t avoid him forever?”

“No,” she said, starting to rub a little harder and it felt…so good.

“No?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her, even though she didn’t see it.

“Hmm mmmm.”

Deeper rubs…further down, and I felt like I was in Heaven.

“No infinite wisdom from Pie Girl tonight?”

“Uh uh,” she replied, adjusting her position over me.

And this woman, she was my hero.

“Bella,” I mumbled as she worked magic with her fingers along my shoulder blades…down my spine…and I felt her slow her movements as she found the scar there, toward my lower back…just to the left.

“Yes?” she asked seductively.

“Don’t. Ever. Stop. Doing. That,” I told her out of the side of my mouth.

She laughed a quiet, sexy laugh and then her fingers smoothed out the scar a little. “What’s this from?” she asked as my eyes closed and I felt like I was in dangerous proximity to sleep.

But I managed to answer her.

“Got a little too close to an enemy camp’s guard dog, once.”

Fingers stopped, momentarily.

“Jesus, Edward.”

I smiled.

“That’s what Jasper said,” I told her, with drowsy chuckles into the pillow, in memory of that conversation with my commanding.  “But we needed our guy back and there wasn’t gonna be a second opportunity.”

I expected more questions.  Maybe some concerns about my heading back into that life, soon.

But there was nothing.

And then warm hands found my sides…and soft lips were placed along that scar.

As if trying to make it disappear.

But it was one, in a long line of scars, that I wasn’t about to be rid of any time soon.

But they were fading.

And then, so was I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke the next morning, groggy, but still…just before the alarm went off and I re-set it for Bella, in case I didn’t get back in time to wake her up to go back to the Hale’s place.

Part of me worried a little, wondering if she should be gallivanting around while Felix was out there, still…but she was partially right about him not being a complete idiot.

He wouldn’t stalk her right out in the open.

Not when he had to know she’d told me about when he’d done.

What he was going to pay dearly for.

I left her a note, kissed the top of her head, and brushed the hair out of her face before throwing some running clothes on.  Then I headed out onto a different path for my run, that morning.

Because I wanted to gear up for a visit I was planning to a certain possible rapist wannabe, later in the day.

In other words, I ran to the Volturi vineyard.

It was a little longer of a run than normal, but it was worth it.

And I stopped to watch the workers for a while, as they picked the regions so called best of the best, grapes for the season.

Then I checked in with the reception desk, to find out the scheduled tours for the day…and yeah, maybe if any of the Volturi family had planned on being around.

It hadn’t surprised me that the only one that would be home was Felix.

The guy never did work.

Except for odd things that his dad had him do around the winery, to make him feel like he was working.

Like he was important.

But hell, even Aro had to know what a worthless piece of shit his son was.

He couldn’t have been that blind.

I thanked the receptionist, who was too young to know who I was and then headed home, letting things play out like a movie, in my mind.

How it would go down.

How I’d do my best to remain in control.

I.E. not kill the guy.

And when I got back from my run, Bella was gone, but the note I’d left her was still there, on the pillow.

With a little extra added on.

Edward,

I hope your run inspired you today.

See you later, after I’m finished with the Hale’s website.

Then every waking moment, until our time is up.

~ Bella.

I smiled as I folded it up and tucked it into my duffle, thinking, yeah, the run indeed inspired me.

To go kick some Volturi ass.

But before that, there was someone else I needed to confront.

So, after my shower, I grabbed some breakfast, noting Alice’s absence, and then took a cab over to Sonoma.

Because there was just something about the fucking Bug Beattle piece of shit that belonged to my father, that I didn’t want to have anything to do with, that day.

Once I’d arrived at the hospital, I’d done pretty great as far as holding my shit together, until I reached his floor and found that I couldn’t bring myself to enter his room.

At first.

I watched him through the window.

Weakened.

And part of me thought that maybe…maybe it wasn’t my place to put this on him, like that…but the other part.

The one that was bitter and feeling ripped off of a childhood…or hell, even young adult hood….

That part was okay with it.

And when I finally figured it was either do or die…or rather, do it or punk out and head back to the vineyard, I went in.

“Edward,” he said, mimicking his typical welcome of late, as I walked in.

Emotionless.

Purposeful.

And I threw the letter down onto the bed in front of him, watching him with clenched teeth and a rapidly beating heart.

I wanted to see his reaction.

Wanted to see something there.

Regret…surprise…anything.

I’d have taken anything at that point.

But not the blank stare he donned, as he looked at the thing lying crumpled, in front of him.

“You have…nothing to say.”

He picked it up, inspecting the handwriting on the front of the envelope.  As if he’d needed that, to know what it was. “Alice.”

“Yes, Alice…very good, dad…now tell me what the fuck….”

He tried clearing his throat and I knew he probably needed something but I was over playing the fucking nurse mate with him.  I needed some goddamn answers.

I pointed at the letter. “You had this since six months after I left, dad…” My hand was…uncontrollable.  “So…so what, you…didn’t believe her or something?”

A shake of his head. “I…couldn’t…”

“Was I that much of an embarrassment to you?  You couldn’t fucking….”

I had…no idea where I was going with the words, they were just…everywhere.

Carlisle started to hold a hand up, trying to talk and it was all I could do to stop myself from just telling him to fuck off.

For good.

“I knew…you…” he cleared his throat again and I stubbornly went and got him a goddamn glass of water, holding it out to him and he took it.

He swallowed the whole glass down before he began again. 

“After the first call…and you…didn’t…”

“Yeah, I know…you didn’t try again…I blew my shot…it wasn’t worth it, right?”

More head shaking.

“I was…ashamed…Edward…” And I’m confused at this point, because what he was saying didn’t line up with what I had imagined he’d be saying.

“I couldn’t…” he took a breather. “There was nothing….to do that would…make up for….”

I was still stuck on ashamed as he continued.

“I spent months…disparaged…worrying about you…what long term…effects my….actions would have on you….and…if I’d ever see you again….so I could…apologize…but…” and then something happened I’d never witnessed before.

My dad…the guy who’d given me nothing but cold hearted feedback, since roughly the age of eight…cried.

I wanted to punch him for it.

For fucking with my head.

This wasn’t the father figure that I’d left behind.

It wasn’t even the dad I’d had in elementary school…before my mother had left.

He was…broken, and humbled and…I was at a loss with what to do with that realization.

So I sat down, and let the man finish.

“When you didn’t…” he started, then looked as though he thought he’d picked the wrong words.  “…when it was clear you weren’t going to….call me back, I…went to Aro…told him I knew…I knew what Felix had done….”

Gone to Aro.

He’d confronted the Volturi family?

His breathing was labored.

And this was the most awkward situation I could have ever imagined myself in.

But he was determined, apparently, to get it out.

Kinda like I had been with Bella the night before.

“At first…he…offered money but then…when I wouldn’t…let it be…told him, I’d…”

And I knew how that had felt. “I get it, dad…”

“But then…I got sick and….”

Then I felt my forehead scrunch a little at his words.

The timing…it was all about the timing.

“You started getting sick after you threatened Aro about outing his sick and twisted son as an attempted rapist?”  I asked him and he coughed some before nodding.  “It was…that fall…I was taking….” He waved his hand at the air.  “Something…”

I decided I needed to check into exactly what meds were prescribed…and which ones had magically made their way into his medicine cabinet.

“I wasn’t…a very good…” he stopped himself.  I could fill in the words, anyway.  It wasn’t like I needed to hear them, it was written all over his face, then.  But he found his voice again, and almost got an entire sentence out without the pain.

“Edward, I spent…half your life blaming you…for something you had nothing to do with.”

Lumps.

I swallowed them.

But they were still there.

“I’m so…sorry, for driving you away,” he said and then he was done.  He looked away from me and covered his face with hand.

I wanted to comfort him but honestly, I just didn’t know how.

After a few minutes of digesting the whole conversation with him, I asked, “Dad, why didn’t you tell me any of this when I came to see you in the first place?” and he smiled, slightly. “I was…just happy you were…home, son…I, didn’t think…”

He put his hand over top of mine and I heard him whisper, “Didn’t want to…ruin a good thing.”

I nodded in understanding.

I guess I got it.

It still hurt, but I got it.

“I know I never exactly gave you a reason to think any different about the fire, dad.  But you should know, I’ve changed,” I said, wanting him to have a reason to be proud of me.

A reason to live, or…I dunno, something.

It was stupid, but then he let out a short chuckle in between coughs and told me, “No…you haven’t….” he gurgled and choked as he squeezed my fingers.  “You’ve always been, my boy.”

And then the doc came in and told me I needed to give Carlisle a break…some rest was needed.

On both of our parts.

So I sat in the hallway, talking to the good doctor about what medicines he’d prescribed for Carlisle, and which ones they’d found traces of that were conflicting with those medicines.

“It just doesn’t make sense, Edward…but in all honesty,” he was saying and I was trying to just come across like I was curious about the whole thing…being that you just never know who was going to go running back to Aro about the curiosities.

“There are some over the counter drugs that the FDA still has posted warnings about that, if dosed properly, could cause a stroke or at least, increase your chances of a stroke…but I don’t know why Carlisle would…”

“I get it,”I told him, cutting him off.  “I just…you know ya never know,” I said smiling sheepishly for him and then I turned to leave, with the disconcerting feeling that Carlisle probably wasn’t the one that had decided to mix drugs in the first place.

You don’t go confronting the Volturi without expecting some consequences.

I just never would have thought the consequences would be so…drastic.

Or stupid.

It was promising, ironically.

“Thanks, doc,” I told him over my shoulder. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

I left, but not before retrieving the letting from dad’s hospital room.

Then I headed over to see Felix.

‘Cause no time like the adrenalin fueled present.

My jaw tightened as I rang the doorbell and I heard laughter from behind the door.

Familiar laughter.

And when he answered the door, I didn’t waste a second.

“Did you poison my dad, Felix?”

It was quick and straightforward.

His immediate reaction answered for me.  But he gave nothing away otherwise.

Hi buddy looked at him as though confusion was his best friend and Felix just laughed through his nose. 

But his eyes.

His eyes told me what I needed to know.

And this control I had.  It wasn’t going to last long.

“You little woman’s quite frisky, Cullen,” he teased, knowing my buttons and where they lived.

I smiled politely.

I remembered my goal.

And I was a good boy.

Until…

“Bet she hurts sooooo gooood when I finally get her done,” he’d said to a buddy who was laughing his ass off…or, kissing ass, whichever.

And, yeah.

Not gonna happen.

“You want something to hurt good Felix?” I asked him, ignoring the brown noser, and then I clothes lined his ass with my forearm before he’d had a chance to answer me.

And as he lay on the marble floor of his family’s great hall entry way, he choked and slobbered, trying to breathe as his good buddy skid passed me and left.

Fucking fair weather friends.

“Stay down, Felix,” I told him, but he thought too highly of himself to listen.

So he started to get up and come after me and as he reached for my jugular, I easily took his wrist into my hand, twisted it backwards and punched his ribs.

Twice.

Just to make sure I was getting my point across.

The heaving he was doing after that, told me, yeah, I’d made my point.  “Fucking…Cullen…” he spat as he turned to give it another go and I thought, sure thing, I could use a good work out anyway.

So I planted the flat of my palm against his face as he came at me that time and blood spewed from his nose.

His hands flew to where the blood flowed freely then and I just wasn’t about to let the opportunity that he was giving me slide so I stomped kicked his dick with every ounce of adrenalin that was juicing me at that point and watched him go down with nothing but rage.

Again.

He got up.

Again.

He was tired and beat but Felix had a God complex and far be it for me to discourage him from acting on it because I wasn’t quite finished anyway.

He came at me, probably hoping his sheer force would take me down but I was better trained that to let a gorilla intimidate me.

I round kicked him with the force of a freight train and he flew backwards, against his dad’s fine china cabinet.

“Swear to fucking God, Felix, I trained grunts that learned quicker that you.”

He stayed down.

Finally.

And I pulled the envelope out, fingering it a little as I walked over to him.

“I came across a letter today,” I told him as he sat there, glaring up at me and yet, afraid to stand.

Couldn’t blame him.

“It seems my dad came across this same letter about three and a half years ago…told your dad about it, too…something about…me not setting fire to his vineyard….maybe even something incriminating about you…trying to hurt Jane.”

His eyes changed, then.

From glaring, to slight worry.

And again.  Couldn’t blame him.

A hand fell onto my shoulder then and me, thinking it was his buddy, coming back to stand up for him finally I reached back and pulled the wrist around to the front of me, ready to throat punch the asshole.

But I stopped as my hand pulled back, ready to strike.

“Em,” I said, half in shock, still trying to resist the urge to follow through with the punch and his hands were up in front of him, ready to block that punch.

“Jesus, Edward.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked him out of breath and he peeked around me, to Felix…cocked an eyebrow at me and said, “Bella.”

I let him go, finally, tempted to laugh at the situation and then I looked down to Felix, who I still had a few words for.

I bent down at the knees, so I was at eye level with him, letting my hands fall loosely in front of me, only semi glad I didn’t have my gutting knife on me.

Because this was where I’d typically end the enemy, for the sheer reason of not having to worry about retaliation, once I left.

Then I reminded myself, I wasn’t on enemy territory.

Technically.

I leaned into him a little.

“You might have gotten away with shit four years ago, Felix, but you’re not getting away with what you did to Carlisle,” I informed him and he just looked at me, grinding his teeth together, trying to silently dare me to follow through with the threat.

“And if you ever…fucking touch Bella again…if you even look at her cross eyed…I’ll give you more than a couple of bruised ball sacks to cry about.”

He didn’t respond, so I added, for clarity sake, “Do we have an understanding?”

Eyebrows curled slightly.

Jaw tight.

He hesitated, but nodded finally and I stood up again, and twisted my neck a little till it cracked.

“Excellent,” I said, then I left him sitting there in the middle of his foyer…on his ass, with a swollen lip, a crippled dick and hopefully a fractured rib or two.

 “We should probably leave,” Emmett announced, as I walked passed him, outside, toward the main highway and he offered to get me outta there a little quicker, with his Jeep.

I didn’t turn the guy down.

I’d just be an easy target on foot, once Felix got his bearings again.

In the car, after a few minutes of allowing me to catch my breath, Emmett asked me, “You wanna tell me what that was all about, back there?”

I looked out the window at the vineyards, as we passed them…took in a nice long, deep, clean breath of fresh air.

‘Cause like I said.

It was gonna be a long. Damn. Day.

“Yeah.  I do,” I finally told him, and the conversation with Emmett wasn’t gonna the easiest to have but it was needed and he needed to know how things had gone down, too.

Once and for all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jesus Christ, I’m a dick,” he informed me.  After my explanation of the Felix punch bag fest…along with what had happened, to the best of my recollection, that night so long ago…and Carlisle’s strokes.

“Not gonna fight ya, there,” I told him as we finished off the third beer of the evening, on my back patio.

“Seriously, man…I suck,” he said, staring me down, in the eyes. “I can’t believe I just…” he shook his head, disappointed in himself, but really, to be honest, it wasn’t all his fault.

He’d tried.

Those last few months of school, Emmett had tried, despite the fights with Rose and the teasing about befriending an arsonist.

I knew it was eating at him.  Tearing him in two.

Wanting to be there for me but having to deal with all the ramifications of that loyalty…

So I hadn’t let him in.  I’d shut him out just like I’d shut everything else out that semester and even if he’d tried to talk to me about what had happened, I would’ve lied, anyway.

“Yeah, well, maybe if I hadn’t been such a dick….”

“Not gonna fight ya, there, but still…I shoulda known.”

And maybe he should have.

“Well, you know now,” I said, tilting my bottle to him. “Right?”

“Right on, bro,” he said, tilting his back at me and then we finished off the rest and he said he needed to head back home.

But not before grabbing me into one of the most rib crushing bear hugs, ever.

“Em…” I choked and when he finally put me back down, he clapped a hand onto my shoulder and pursed his lips before saying, “Thanks for tellin’ me, man.  We’ll handle this shit.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling but really.  I questioned my own ability to think clearly lately so I wasn’t really sure if it was a smart thing, letting Emmett in on everything but it felt right.

It felt good.

Like it was us again.

After he left, Alice and I spent the majority of the night avoiding each other and I’d gotten a text from Bella saying she was on her way over so I was free and clear until…

“Edward.”

And yeah…not so free and clear.

“What, Alice.”

“I just want you to know…I…”

“Look,” I said to her. “I get it, I was a fuck up for a lot of years and then suddenly, dad gets a letter from someone stating otherwise…that can be a lot to take in.”

I was half joking but Alice didn’t laugh.

“He really spiraled, Edward.  And no, it wasn’t a lot to take in.  You were a kid.  And there were a lot of…”

“Yeah…I know…a lot shit… and a lot of baggage….carried on throughout a lot of years…”

“He knew he’d screwed up with you…it’s why he started drinking…it’s why he gave up on this place…he felt like nothing…became nothing…”

Her words killed me.

They were just one more thing to add to the list.

Things that I couldn’t necessarily have controlled while I was gone, that might not have happened, had I not left…Things I could do something about, now, though….

But I was done.

Done talking…done fighting…done second guessing shit and definitely done having conversations that just proved my choices throughout life were…mostly wrong.

The door bell rang and I gave Alice a wave of my hand to let her know the conversation was over for the night and when I answered the door, it was all gone.

The knowledge of things my past had created…the fight with Felix, the roller coaster of a conversation with dad…Emmett’s epiphany.

Gone.

Because she was there.

And I took her hand into mine and pulled her close so I could taste her lips.

Feel her breasts against me.

Touch her skin that peeked out from under the tank top she wore.

Smelled her shampoo.

It didn’t matter that Alice was probably sitting at the kitchen doorway, watching us.  I couldn’t have cared less as my hands made their way around Bella’s neck, and my fingers intertwined with her hair…my thumbs, caressing her jaw…her cheeks…

And her tongue.

It was home and I was not about to cut the trip short because someone was ogling our moment.

But then, all good things must come to an abrupt end when your lover needs to breathe, so….

I allowed Bella to pull away for an intake of air as her eyes remained closed and she licked those sexy lips of hers, letting her hands remain a part of mine.

Then she opened her eyes, looked up at me and gave me the smile I’d craved all day, since leaving her asleep in my bed, that morning.

The one that turned my life upside down and my head into a complicated maze of thoughts and ideas that probably would never come to fruition but I liked it.

I kept it, that feeling, despite its threat to ruin me.

Because it was hers.  She’d given it to me without requiring anything in return and when I was with her, things were just…good.

I pulled her inside, said goodnight to Alice and led Bella back up to the bed I would be making love to her in.

All night if possible.

And every waking moment, until our time was up.

A/N: Vintage refers to the year a wine was created.  So, if a bottle is labeled with a vintage year, it basically means that at least 95% of the wine was from grapes that were grown in that year.