Chapter 9 ~ Chemical Reaction

A Bella Swan POV

Blue…no.

Yellow…ugh. Definitely not.

Blue?

Crap.

What does one wear to a personal wine tasting lesson, anyway?

I held up a few different tops in front of me, eying them in the mirror, trying to figure out what would be appropriate enough for my…

I laughed at myself, throwing them down onto the bed and covered my face for a minute or two.

"This isn't a date, Bella, you're not even…"

"Hey, Bells."

"Shit!" I jumped at Emmett's announcing his presence at the bedroom door and held a hand to my chest. "God, Emmett, you scared me."

"Clearly," he said, chuckling and then asked, "Where ya goin'?" nodding at the clothes that were strewn all over the bed.

"Um…a wine…tasting…thing….it's no big deal."

"Really…" he said, waltzing in, taking note of the outfits I'd brought out to look over. "Where is it? Maybe I'll come with."

"No!" I shouted and when he cocked an eyebrow at me, I added, "I'm just researching, Emmett, it's really just boring stuff I need to do for the website…"

Buy it…buy it…buy it…

His eyes didn't leave mine for a moment, then he stated, "What are you doin', Bells," as he leaned up against my closet door, crossing his big arms in a very judgmental kind of way.

"What?"

"Don't go getting yourself too attached to Edward."

"I'm not attached to anyone, Emmett," I told him and I was quite surprised I hadn't followed it up with a foot stomp. "I'm…"

Breathe.

"He's showing me some wine tasting stuff, that's all, it's actually very considerate of him."

And if Emmett's eyebrow went any higher, it might have left the hemisphere.

"He's a friend, Emmett…"

"Really," he said, eying the clothes again. "Then why do you care so much about what you're gonna wear?"

And his words deflated me.

He was right.

I mean, really…

Why did I care so much?

It wasn't like Edward cared what I wore, or…how my hair looked, or…how I smelled.

I liked how Edward smelled.

Even after he'd had been working on his vineyard. It was…fresh, and…Napa.

Edward.

A smile invaded my lips.

"Bells?"

I snapped out of my daze and threw whatever I'd had in my hands down. "You're right, and I don't, I was just…taking inventory of what I brought with me."

"You okay?" he asked me and bearing my soul crossed my mind…Telling him I'd decided to forgo my marriage and had no idea where I was going to end up in life because there was just no way that I was heading back to Chicago after the summer was over.

But although Emmett and I had been great pen pals when we were young, played together back in Chicago during holidays and summer visits…we weren't exactly close these days and I didn't know if he'd support me or tie me up and drag me home to my mother and Jake, kicking and screaming the whole way.

So I smiled.

"I'm fine, Emmett, just…tired."

"Well then maybe you should stay home…get some rest," he said, seeming a little worried.

Right, I thought, rest.

In the middle of the Hale house, that was full of curious faces and well meaning people who would only drive me batty over why I was hanging out with Edward Cullen, or asking me a bajillion questions about how the website would work, what I was doing in Napa when my family and fiancé were all back in Chicago…

I wasn't in the mood for any of those things.

I was in the mood for more laughing, learning about wine and…

Things I probably shouldn't have been in the mood for.

I looked away and absent mindedly started folding some things up that I'd discarded in my wake.

"I'll be fine, Emmett, and anyway, I really need to learn some of the things Edward's willing to show me if I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about when I put the finishing touches on the Hale's site."

"Well, I could…"

"Oh, no you can't," Rosalie said from the hallway and God bless that woman.

"Why not?" he asked, all, big man whiny…ish and what not and I giggled, covering my mouth, as Rosalie entered my room.

"Because we have a double date tonight, in case you forgot," she told him, not at all excited about the idea, it seemed. "You know…that thing you said you really wanted to do even though I begged you not to?"

Her eyebrows rose, waiting for him to remember and he did.

"Oh yeah."

Rosalie shook her head at him and then winked at me, leaving to go get ready.

"What was that all about?" I asked him and he shrugged. "Just…trying to get some answers about your little visit from Felix, is all, I don't trust that guy."

"Why not?" I pushed and then he narrowed his eyes at me, a wicked glimmer of something in them.

"Okay," he said. "You spill and then I will."

He was evil.

And tempting.

I twisted my mouth.

"Not tonight," I said, and then, with acceptance…for the time being, at least…and a light pat of his hand on my shoulder, he left, saying, "You're gonna have to open up to me, sometime, Swan."

He'd sounded just like he did when we were young pen pals, for a moment there.

He was also right.

Again.

But it wasn't going to be that night.

Although, I knew there was a certain someone that I did need to open up to.

And I needed to do it, ASAP.

So I closed the bedroom door and sat down onto the clothing covered bed, picked up my cell phone up off of the end table...and I dialed Jake's number.

Only to get voice mail.

So I dialed again.

"Come onnnnnn…"

"Bells?" he answered in a hushed tone on the last ring.

Thank goodness.

Shaking, I started, immediately, "Jake, hi, listen…I really need to…"

"Bells, I can't talk right now," he interrupted, then thought for a moment. "I did tell you after eight, right?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I just, Jake this is kind of…"

"Honey, I'm right in the middle of a merger discussion and how we're gonna work security through the acquisition process."

"But I really need to…"

"Bella, listen…"

And it was his Jeopardy voice.

The one where he was giving me his final answer.

"I love you, I'll be home in a few hours, then I'm all your's…promise."

Someone called for him from the background and then he told me, "I really gotta go."

And that was that.

No goodbye, just…dead air.

I stared at my cell phone for a moment or two, groaned in defeat and then checked my watch and realized Edward would probably be wondering if I was backing out, soon, it was getting late.

I fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Why was this so urgent, all of a sudden?

Originally I'd decided to give myself till the end of the summer, and see if I felt the same, or if it was, simply…time to move on.

But now, something was telling me, I needed to do this.

And it needed to be soon.

I sat up and dialed our apartment number.

It wasn't the most adult, mature way to handle it, I thought as the phone rang on the other end.

I really should have done this with him, live.

Another ring and butterflies swarmed my belly.

That would have been the ideal way to…

"Hiiiii, you've reached Jake and Bella, we're not home right now," I'd said, from the answering machine recording, and then Jake's voice came on.

"We're out planning our wedding!"

Then I giggled and finished with, "But if you'd like to leave your name and number…"

Jake again.

"We'll think about calling you back after the honeymoon!"

Laughter and giggles, and then…

Beeeeeep.

Here goes nothing.

We play the hand we're dealt with the cards we've got, I supposed, and then I swallowed down my fears, nerves and other odd feelings that I was having about all of it.

"Jake, it's Bella…" I started, quietly…hesitantly.

This was so wrong, on so many levels.

"I know I said I'd call you after your meeting, but…"

So, so wrong.

"I just…I needed to get something off of my chest before things got out of hand and…I mean, not that they're getting out of hand but if they were to get out of hand, I'd hate for anything to have been left unsaid with you, and I…"

I took a breather.

This was not going well.

"I just…"

Beeeeeep.

"Crap."

I redialed.

Before I lost my nerve.

"Hiiiii, you've reached Jake and Bella, we're not home right now…"

I waited for the message to end and the beep to sound before I began again.

"It's me again….Jake. It's just that I've had this funny feeling lately and…no, that's not right, it's not funny…it's…I mean, really I was ignoring the signs for a while now, and it just seems like I should stop ignoring those signs…signs are…I mean, don't you think I should stop trying to…"

Beeeeeeep.

"CRAP!"

I redialed.

"Hiiiii, you've reached Jake and Bella, we're not home right now…"

I rolled my eyes as I tapped my foot on the floor.

"Sorry about that," I laughed a little. "Jake, I can't explain why I feel this way, or…when I started feeling this way…You've been in my life for so long now, that…well you're like my other brain…I don't know what I'm saying now…but, listen…I just know that when I left Chicago, I wasn't just…leaving Chicago…."

Did I really know, even then?

Beeeeep.

"Jesus Christ!" I screamed at the empty room.

….Re….Dial…

"Hiiiii, you've reached Jake and Bella, we're not home right now…"

I banged the phone against my forehead a few times.

I was lucky I didn't break the thing.

Or my head.

"Jake. I'm not going to marry you."

There! I'd said it!

Oh shit, I'd said it.

Then, with a little more regret in my voice, I told him, "I love you, Jake, you're my best friend, I know that much…but, you're not my soul mate…and…GOD…I hate saying that, because in a lot of ways, you should be…but my heart isn't in agreement with what my head is telling me right now, and…I just need this to be…over with."

It sounded so final.

The silence, coming from the other end of the phone, was deafening.

And I decided that I needed to add one more thing.

"I'm sorry this is over the answering..."

Beeeeep.

I let out a heavy, regret laden, sigh and hung up, then.

There was really no need to call back.

I was done.

So, I lay back again, down onto the bed, and felt the tears sting.

I don't know how long I lay there, like that. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours.

But it hurt.

I'd just cut the one man out of my life that had done nothing to deserve the pain he'd feel when he listened to that message.

Right or wrong, I couldn't stand hurting someone.

Especially, Jake.

I thought about canceling with Edward.

Maybe taking the evening to sulk in my room but then…I rested upon needing to get out and get my mind to stop thinking about running to the airport, flying home and erasing those messages from the answering machine before Jake got to them.

So, I washed my face, decided against make up, put on the first thing I saw and headed over to the Cullen vineyard.

And when I arrived.

The conversation with Emmett…and the messages I'd left for Jake….

Forgotten.

"Oh my god," I whispered, as I entered the house.

It was beautiful.

The kitchen, that I'd eaten pie in, giggle fested with Edward…and feared the look given me by that Felix character…it was…

"Amazing, isn't he?"

I spun to find the groundskeeper, again.

Alice, right?

And she was watching me, taking it all in.

Did she say he? Or it?

"He'll be down in a minute," she said and I asked, "Did…Edward do all of this?" but she just smiled and turned and disappeared down a hallway, leaving me to decide for myself.

The whole set up had such ambiance.

Candles, flowers, wine glasses…fruits, and…

"Cheese…yeee-ummmmmm," I said, helping myself, while I waited. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

When was the last time I'd eaten?

"You're going to ruin the experience if you eat it all before the tasting," a soft voice told me from the stairway and I nearly choked on my snack.

Edward laughed. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

I swallowed down the cheese as I observed his attire.

It wasn't like he was over dressed, or anything, but something about him…took my breath away.

Bare feet.

Like that wasn't enough to make a woman swoon.

Jeans, casual shirt…

Wet hair, like he'd just gotten out of the…shower….

Jeeze o flip.

Did the man ever look bad?

"I just…"

I put the other piece of cheese that I'd picked up, back down onto the platter I'd stolen it from and Edward chuckled harder.

God, he had a sexy laugh.

It made me wanna…do bad things.

The little shit.

Just friends, Bella…your just…friends.

"You're late," he said, finishing his walk down the stairs and toward me. "I was afraid you were backing out."

And then, it was my turn to smile. "Did you expect me to show up just in time for your shower, or something?"

Oh my god, where did that come from?

I thought I saw an uncomfortable look about him but then, it was gone. I'd missed it but somehow, felt a small victory in giving it back to him after all the blushing I'd been doing over the few days prior.

"Ready for your first lesson?" he asked, deciding against a retort on the shower comment and I nodded.

It was a little exciting, to be honest, I'd never been to Napa…or, any other wine growing area and had always wanted to go…this was kind of like getting a firsthand experience…

In a very cozy, kind of way.

With Edward.

Who was…just…absolutely dripping, with…

"Sex."

"Excuse me?" he asked and I panicked.

"Uh…six…"

"Six…what?" he asked, making the most adorably confused look at me…ever.

Oh god.

OhGod OhGod OhGod OhGod OhGod!

"Six…more…weeks until Summer's over."

I smiled.

And he smirked.

I was so busted.

No doubt about it.

But, Edward, being Edward, he knew when enough was enough and he just grinned as he walked over to the table and chose the first wine he'd be showing me for the evening and as I watched him, he looked so, serious.

He motioned for me to take a seat, and I did…and I was feeling rather amused because I couldn't decide if he was being facetious or not.

But I was enjoying it, none the less.

"I know you're not crazy about the reds, but you really should start with that and then we'll work our way down to the good stuff."

He nodded toward the desert tray with a bottle sitting next to it.

Chocolate covered strawberries.

Seriously.

"Um…"

He smiled and I really needed to check my hormones at the door, I realized, suddenly.

What was my problem, anyway?

Post…worst break up ever syndrome?

"Thanks," I said, tilting my head a little, looking up at him as he worked.

"First," he said, pouring each of us a half glass of the deep burgandy colored wine. "You look," he advised, holding his glass up to the candle light, by the stem, and I copied his actions.

He seemed to be holding a silent conversation with the liquid and instead of trying to see what he saw, in my own glass, I couldn't stop staring at him.

His eyes gleamed, as he spoke about how the reds were prepared differently from the whites, explaining his own personal love for the flavors they held.

And his lips, when he spoke, moved smoothly, swiftly. It was like he knew all of the information like the back of his hand…as though he knew his own phone number.

And don't even get me started on his jaw line, during pauses.

He had a very strong jaw line.

As he spoke again, he appeared to talk to the wine, instead of me.

"Always observe the appearance of the wine," he whispered, at one point. "It tells you a great deal about what will follow your initial taste."

He peered at me from the corner of his eye and I jetted my own back to my glass.

"Right, look," I said, swallowing a little harder than normal.

He brought the glass back down to the table, swirling it to show me how it was done.

And again, I mimicked him, but really, was just watching…him.

"Then you swirl," he told me. "It helps release the volatiles."

"The what?"

"The volatiles," he told me, his voice smooth as sex…silk…smooth as silk… "Like…the acids…nasty fuckers."

He winked and my heart beat a little faster.

Ignoring the change of color in my cheeks, he went on, holding the glass up to his nose, inhaling, slowly as he closed his eyes.

And oh…

My fucking…

God.

When he pulled the glass away, he looked to me and grinned. "Don't be shy, Bella, breathe in, confidently."

Breathing…

Right.

I held my glass up and smelled the contents.

"What do you smell?" he asked.

"Wine," I told him and he laughed at me, again…moving closer to me as he set his own glass down, standing me up, next to him.

He brushed his long fingers over my eyes, moving them downward to encourage me to close them and I did, feeling rather warm as I followed his silent instruction.

Then he took a hand and urged me to put the glass back up to my nose as he moved the hair away from my neck with the other and he said, very close to my ear…

Almost too close.

"Smell the land, Bella."

His breath was hot and his voice was…sultry…

And I wasn't thinking about anything having to do with wine but then but I tried my best to focus, hoping he hadn't noticed the way my skin reacted to his hand on me like that.

I breathed in again.

"Think about nothing…but what's invading your senses right now," he rasped.

"Some sort of…berry," I mused, feeling as though I was barely speaking and he said, "Very good, that would be the raspberry bushes near where we grow the grapes for this one."

"And…" My eyebrows grew closer, I didn't think I was smelling correctly.

"What," he urged me.

"I want to say, nuts? But that can't be…"

"You're very good, Ms. Swan," he teased, pulling the glass away from my nose then, softer, "I think you're a natural."

His lips were nearly touching my ear lobe but then, just like that, they were gone and I instinctively opened my eyes to see where he'd gone to.

And that smile.

God strike me down for lusting over another man so shortly after breaking things off with my fiancé via answering machine.

I couldn't help but beam at his words, though, I felt like he was so proud of me for something I hadn't really tried very hard to do.

"Now comes the fun part," he said, looking like a kid in a candy shop. "I want you to take a little into your mouth."

And no, the double meaning of that phrase definitely did not escape me.

He was still holding my hand, that was holding the stem of my glass and I let him guide me as he lifted the glass again, telling me, "Just a little."

I did as he told me, entranced by his eyes as the glass raised to my lips and he said, "Now, taste."

His eyes watched as I let the liquid set on my tongue.

"Hold it there," he said. "That's it, now, kind of…suck some air in…"

I felt kind of silly doing it but followed his lead and it was very…therapeutic, actually.

"That's called aerating, you're softening the tannins, letting it breathe, so to speak, and the wine will taste better afterwards."

Mmmmm Hmmmm.

"Supposedly," he added with a mischievous grin and I couldn't pull my eyes away from the corners of that mouth of his as they rose.

"Now move it around a little," he said after a few moments and I did.

And just as I was about to swallow, Edward stopped me by holding his index finger up, telling me to wait.

"Now, you expectorate," he said and I drew a blank.

Edward grinned some more…he was having way too much fun with this, I thought….and held up a silver urn type thing to me and said, "That's fancy schmancy wine tasting terminology for…" he cleared his throat. "Spit."

I raised an eyebrow at him, holding that wine in my mouth.

Because there was no way I was spitting in front of him.

It was bad enough he'd made me burp, earlier.

He stood fast, though, tapping a finger against the cup. "Come on," he said, waving me on.

So I held my mouth over the urn and…spit.

He licked his lips a little, and then gently, he put a hand to the side of my face and wiped the excess wine from the corner of my lips with his thumb, watching his own actions and I took in a sharp breath from the jolt I'd felt as he held his hand there, momentarily.

He reached beside himself, blindly, held a cube of one of the cheeses up to me, then.

"Now, try the Gouda."

His eyes didn't leave mine as he placed it up to my lips and I opened like a good little obedient wine tasting student.

Then bit down.

"Oh m'gd," I said, chewing the deliciousness that had just graced my mouth. My eye lids lowered in reaction to the bursts of flavor that had exploded and I chewed it slowly, not wanting the experience to end.

And when I was done, I opened my eyes again, to find that Edward was…

Not smiling.

He was staring.

At my mouth.

My tongue licked up the cheese crumbs that had stuck to my lips and I was feeling uncomfortably warm under his gaze.

His jaw was tight and his eyes, intense as we stood there, not, inches from each other.

"That was…"

I didn't know what to say, exactly.

In all honesty, I felt like I'd just had the best sex of my life and my clothes were still on.

How do you explain that?

Edward's look changed and he took the glass from me.

"That's how Carlisle always did it, anyway…" he said, changing the tone of the moment. "Ever the professional, always impressing the visitors."

He set the glasses aside to pull new ones out.

Was he kidding me?

Because, Carlisle must have gotten laid…a lot.

"You can finish the wine and actually…swallow, this time if you want," he said, drinking his down in one fell swoop. And even though I didn't like reds, much, his love for them made me want to drink it…

So I did.

The liquid burned on its way down and I couldn't tell if I was warm from the wine, or from Edward.

He busied himself, some more while I watched.

"So," I cleared my throat. "That was an official wine tasting that you'd give, if the vineyard was open?"

"Yyyyyyep," he said. Letting his eyes get sarcastically big.

"But…" I goaded…seeing something in his face and hearing something in his words.

He shrugged, opening a lighter colored bottle of wine, this time. "It's boring."

And I could not have disagreed more with him, than I did during that exact point in time.

But of course Edward thought it was boring.

Most things were to him, I'd suspected.

"And, what would you do, oh wise and faithful wine grower?" I asked, feeling a bit more comfortable and he hesitated as he popped the cork on the…

I turned my head, trying to read the label.

"What's this one?"

"Pinot Noir, you'll like it."

But I guessed like was an understatement, considering what the red had just done to a certain special area between my legs.

Not to mention the way he'd said…Noir.

Lord, help me.

"So?" I asked, putting my head back in the real world.

"So…what?" he asked but he knew what I was talking about.

Sneaky.

I smirked at him. "So, what would you do, differently?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, exactly, never really gave it much thought, I just…"

He paused, pouring the new wine for us. "I think there's gotta be a more fun way to teach people about wine than…" he held up the glasses that were now half full. "Slurping and spitting."

And I choked again.

Because oh my god, if this man didn't know what he was doing to me, he had to have been the most dense human being on the planet.

"Cheers to that," I said, taking my glass and he repeated it, after raising his a tad, "Cheers," before taking a sip.

After a few more…sexually frustrating tastings and…finishing our glasses off…Edward finally gave up on remaining respectful of the art and started showing his true frustration with the entire wine tasting process.

"What's wrong?" I asked, thinking I'd done something wrong and he replied, "I guess I just don't get why people can't just…" he shook his head and waved his hands a little. "Like what they like, ya know?"

He poured us each a lightly sweeter tasting white wine, then.

And it was…so good.

"You…"

"I mean, it's like you with the Merlot…you don't like it, even though everyone says you should…why not?"

"Ummm…."

"Come on, why don't you like the poor, sad, warm Merlot, Bella?"

I giggled.

I must have been getting tipsy because it wasn't just a giggle…it was a school girl, the most popular boy on campus just asked me out, giggle.

It was a little embarrassing, actually.

"It's sour," I told him, finally.

"Right!" he exclaimed, taking his point further. "Your taste buds don't like it, but do you pretend you do anyway? Hell no, you give the Merlot the finger and you move on…that's what you do…"

He seemed angry, throwing his hands up into the air…but not at me…it was like he was…angry at the wine.

"I mean really, why does it have to be about…the tannins and the way you grow the stupid grapes and… how long they fermented and….shit."

He ran a hand through his hair, screwing it up even more than it already was and I poured us each another glass of the white wine he'd just shown me, deciding…screw the lesson, he needed to smile more.

"You mean, like, the Pinot Noirrrr…?" I asked, elongating the last word that he'd taught me.

I handed him his glass and we clinked, then drank them down.

So good.

"Yes, exactly like the Pinot Noir," he said after he was done and poured another glass.

The lessons were over but I didn't want to leave, so I just kept asking questions about the whole life style of growing grapes and making wine and how they managed to produce so many different types of wine from one crop and Edward gave me his unabridged version of how things worked, making my cheeks ache most of the time from laughing too much and too long, at a time.

We finished the bottle off, along with a Zinfandel, talking about how they were bottled and that Carlisle never shipped outside of Napa. He just had never wanted to bother with the taxes and shipping and permits and things outside of the state.

I decided that I realized why Edward liked the mom and pop wineries better than the highly marketed bigger places.

They're was just something more wonderful about the experience.

Something more…

Intimate.

He showed me how the different flavors of wine complimented meats and each time he raised a fork, stabbed with the luscious food up to my lips, I imagined feeling his hands on me again.

Just to experience that heat, again, to try and figure it out, why it was there, when it had started.

What did it mean?

And when the paring talks were finally over, we moved on to deserts.

"You know, you sure know a lot about all of this," I said at one point, quite sloppily, when we were polishing off the strawberries he'd cut, with the Muscat that he'd chosen to go with them. "For someone who hates it."

I was feeling rather light headed and quite happily dazed by the alcohol, not worrying a bit about how I'd be getting home, after this tasting was done.

"I only said I hated this vineyard, Bella, not that I didn't know anything about any of it," he answered and something about the words he'd chosen, even in my inebriated state, made me wonder about him, even more.

"Well, how can you hate something you seem to very passionately know a lot about?" I pushed, putting my chin into my palm as I rested my elbow onto the table.

He took pause and although he wouldn't look at me as he answered, he seemed very honest.

And very sad.

"I hate what it stands for, more than anything, I suppose."

I couldn't stop myself at that point and I had no idea if it was the wine or just my natural curiosity when it came to Edward Cullen that was driving me.

"And what's that?"

"Why my family isn't a family," he stated, blandly.

"And…why isn't your family, a family?" I questioned, quietly.

He turned to me, then, almost as though he didn't want to say what he was about to say, but he did.

"Me."

He stopped fiddling with the wines and leaned both of his hands against the kitchen counter, balling them into fists. Then his head fell downward a bit and I couldn't bear the pained look on his face.

He'd blamed himself.

For everything and anything, it seemed.

Possibly even for what had happened to his father.

And I just couldn't bear it.

I pushed away from the table and went to him, slowly, moving his hands away from the counter but he still refused to look at me.

I put my hands to his face and made him see me…gently willing his eyes to meet mine.

And when they finally did, I told him, "It's not your fault, Edward."

His brow creased and he tried to look away, but I still wouldn't let him.

"It's not your fault," I repeated.

And then I pushed myself up onto my toes and kissed his cheek, letting my lips linger there. Just wanting him to feel…cared for.

When I pulled away, slightly, I noticed he'd closed his eyes.

It was as though he was debating something.

I stood there, waiting, wondering...

Aching.

And then I felt his hands move to my waist, fisting my shirt, lifting it slightly.

My breathing felt shallow as the blood rushed through my veins.

My hands moved around, through his hair, to the back of his neck and I watched as his eyes opened slowly, looking into mine with confusion in them.

"It's not your fault," I said again and then his eyes went to my lips.

It was instantaneous.

The time it took for his lips to reach mine.

It was as though, one second he was thinking it, the next, it was happening.

I tasted the wine…the berries, the nuts, everything, on his tongue and his hands. I couldn't get enough of his hands.

On me.

I wanted them on me.

The desperate sounds he was making told me he was battling with himself, and my shirt…as his lips moved against mine, and I was wishing for him to move the fabric up even further as his kiss invaded my psyche, all together.

His lips were…so soft and yet, so urgent and I could feel his need, his frustration, the anger, the resentment…

Even his pain.

His…everything…

And things were…harder, now…

Everything was suddenly…so…much…harder.

Yes.

It was like…the first warm day of summer…and fresh snowfalls…and romantic whispers and belly tickles…and I couldn't think and yet, I could…and all I knew was that I wanted more of him.

All of him.

Yes.

I hitched a leg up over his hip to feel just how hard he was, pressed against me and he breathed heavier, the more we moved against that counter and I wanted so badly for him to…

"Shit…"

He stopped, abruptly, pulling away from me as my erratic breathing refused to settle down.

Unable to get enough air, I wondered what had happened.

Where he had gone.

I was spinning, then and I reached for him but he moved further away.

"I'm sorry, shit…" he muttered, wiping his mouth as though he'd gotten something distasteful on it and inside, I was screaming for more.

Why was he stopping?

"Edward,"

Had I screwed up?

"I shouldn't have done that, Bella," he said anxiously. "I'll take you home, now."

I'd screwed up.

Oh, God.

"Wait," I told him, stumbling over my own words.

My own thoughts.

Stumbling…period.

He kept walking passed me, grabbing the car keys as he did and I followed him out to the truck, awkwardly, quickly, before he finally stopped, when I grabbed a hand full of his shirt.

Things were swirling on me, around me, but I knew what I wanted.

What I needed.

The question was, did he want the same thing?

Embarrassment flooded me and I wondered if I'd just ruined the one thing I was considering real since...I didn't know when.

"Edward, stop," I demanded, tripping over my own feet and he did, finally, but was careful not to look me in the eyes.

"You're drunk, Pie Girl," he tried to tease, but I could still hear the desperation in his voice. "I think you need to get home to the Hales and get some sleep."

And that was when my legs gave out on me, just as I was about to tell him what I thought about his grand idea for me to get some sleep.

His arms caught me and I felt his eyes on me, even as mine drooped shut, then I felt him lift me up, place me into the truck and a moment later, the driver's side door was opening and shutting.

The engine turned over a few times before starting and it felt like we sat there for a bit, before I noticed we were moving.

I felt as though I'd crept in and out of conscious as we drove. A few times I tried to make my mouth work to speak up and say something to him.

I'm sorry?

I'm not marrying Jake?

That I'd known that fact since before I'd left Chicago…

And that I'd told Jake, all be it over the phone…into our answering machine…that it was over.

But then, I would just fall back to sleep, losing all sense of any thought process I might have had in the seconds before drifting off.

It was frustrating, to say the least.

The last thing I remember from our evening together, was hearing Emmett, giving Edward a hard time about the state that I was in as he lifted me out of the truck to take me inside of the Hale's house.

I'm sure they fought for at least a minute or two, if not longer but I didn't hear Edward raise his voice like Emmett had.

He just let him scream and yell and he didn't once say anything degrading to Emmett.

Or about me.

Shut up, I thought…and I wanted to smack Emmett for being so mean to Edward, but then, I was out cold, again, and had no recollection of anything else.

Literally.

And unfortunately.