Chapter 24 ~ Dry Discussions

Edward.

 

Funerals.

The word alone is synonymous with death, entombment, burial, last rites, solemnities…

All quite depressing letters, when thrown together and placed into the English vocabulary, no matter how you slice it.

One thing about them though, that isn’t all that bad, I suppose…is that they’re just another reason for the Irish to drink.

And I know what you’re thinking.

An Irish vineyard owner?

But hey, I’m sure there’s an Italian potato farmer somewhere in the middle of Illinois, too.

Although why, I do not know.

My point is that we don’t generally go by the standard rules set by the rest of the world when dealing with the untimely death of a loved one.

Sure, we bury them.

Or cremate them.

But we also celebrate them, their life, their after life…

Which is why the process behind the funeral service was not something I understood as I went through the steps.

The solemness of the words used when speaking to you.

The seriousness of it all.

Like it’s a federal crime to crack a smile at the memory of an awkward moment between two men who barely knew each other for twenty some odd years and yet still found a way to show each other they cared, after all.

Or laugh at the complete idiocy of people suddenly finding kindness for the person they’d all huddled together at the corner deli to hate and blame over the years.

And ever try to write an obituary?

Try this one on for size:

Carlisle Cullen, beloved father of Edward Cullen, died Wednesday night surrounded by family and friends. Service to be held Friday…blah blah blah. 

Puke.

Yeah, I know.

Lame.

And extremely boring.

It’s what everyone expected.

What would have been proper, right?  But since no one really expects proper from the town fuck up, I decided to go another route.

Carlisle Cullen, vineyard owner, father to a hellion, caretaker of many, passed away Wednesday of suspicious circumstances.

He loved his son.

He wasn’t finished.

And karma is a bitch.

Services will be held Friday, four PM at First Presbyterian Church of Napa.

“Eat it, Volturi family.”

I chuckled as I hung up the phone with the newspaper and Alice asked me if I’d lost my mind, but I assured her; it’s what Dad would have wanted.

What dad deserved.

The last word.

“Edward, are you…feeling okay?” Bella asked me after I’d showered and gotten dressed to go take care of the rest of the arrangements.

“Fine,” I told her, before giving her a kiss on the forehead, then smiling pretty for the masses.

I mean, I felt fine. 

And I know, my father died…wasn’t quite expected, so soon…loose ends…things unsaid…can’t be good, right? 

But it’s not like I didn’t know he had limited time left.

Or like I thought there’d be time to iron out some things I wanted to make up for.

Or like I assumed I’d have a little more time with Bella…

It’d be fine, though.

I’d be fine.

It was all very…fine.

We made our way downstairs together.

“It’s just that, you seem a little….off.”

“What? No…I’m good, just…focused,” I assured her and, before we knew it, I was almost out the door.

And a small hand stopped me.

“Edward.”

When I turned, Bella looked worried and I couldn’t help but smile down at her.  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Hands on shoulders.

Reassuring head shake.

“This is crazy boring detailed…bullshit, Pie Girl. You’re needed here more, I think.”

I eyed Alice, who was in the kitchen with Rose and Emmett.

Still sobbing.

When Bella looked back toward them, I swallowed and when her eyes met mine again, I grinned for her one more time

“I’ll be back before ya know it and then we’re gonna talk about that job interview.”

I cocked an eyebrow in a playful sort of way and it distracted her just long enough for me to get one more peck on the cheek in, then I was outta there.

I walked.

I’d missed my run that morning for one thing and I needed the fresh air anyway.

However, all of the fresh air in the World didn’t help much when, about an hour and a half later, I wasn’t sweating from the walk or the sun that had peeked out a little early that day.

It was from the pressure I was finding myself under.

Like I was being held under a magnifying glass by some larger than life creature wanting to see if I’d spontaneously combust from the intense heat that was beating down on me or just melt into a large pile of goo.

“Don’t second guess yourself Edward.”

Carlisle’s words echoed inside my mind from the day before as I sat at the small table with the funeral home’s manager.

I rubbed at the back of my neck as he pulled paperwork out out of his desk. Pictures of coffins with fluffy silk liners and shiny solid oak exteriors lay strewn across the area in front of him.

It had been a long morning already, between the morgue picking up Carlisle’s body in the wee hours of pre-dawn, starting the process of packing some of his things up, people coming to the house to “help” as much as they could, and Alice crying quietly, yet uncontrollably, as I made the calls I needed to make.

Including one to my commanding officer, as Bella tried to avoid noticing.

“Are you absolutely certain you don’t want to have a proper burial, Edward, your father…”

His question pulled me back into the present.

And kinda pissed me off.

I was suddenly questioning why I’d refused to let Bella come along on these errands because, as I sat there, I thought about how nice it would have been to have that tether sitting next to me.

Or at least standing beside me.

“My father left me in charge of the decisions with regards to his death, Eleazar, and yes, I’m absolutely certain.”

Stupid sounding name, right?

I think it was inherited or something.

Belonged to his great, great, great, great, great grandasshole, or something.

Poor bastard.

Anyway, the old guy went to school with my dad.

He’s basically harmless, but he’s one of those people who thinks he knows everyone and, better yet, knows what’s best for everyone.

But he didn’t know Carlisle all that well.

And he definitely didn’t know me.

He cleared his throat before continuing.

“Did you…decide on an urn, then?”

I pushed the pamphlet he’d given me to look over toward him. “No urn.”

“What?”

That’s right, no huge profit for you, strange, old man.

“No. Urn.”

“Edward, this is highly…”

“I’m putting his ashes in a wine bottle, ‘Leazar.  Then I’m burying the bottle back behind the vineyard. That’s not illegal is it?”

“Um…no…” he told me, flustered by my question.

“It’s not against some…moral code?”

“Not…exactly…I…”

“Not exactly?”

“Well,” he started, as he scratched at his grey beard a little.  “Aren’t you selling the vineyard?  Why would you…?”

He threw me off with that one quite honestly, but it still didn’t deter me.  I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do with Dad’s ashes and screw him for trying to influence me otherwise.

 “I don’t know what I’m doing with the vineyard yet…”

 “But don’t you have to…”

“Eleazar?”

“Yes?”

“Did you wanna handle this or would you rather I took my dad’s body over to Sonoma where they’ll probably charge me twice as much, but I’ll only get half the fucking chit-chat?”

He took some air in and held it.

Then he started writing the paperwork up for me.

“Okay then, call me once he’s ready and I’ll come pick him up for the service, tomorrow.”

I wrote the check out for the amount it was going to cost to have my Dad’s remains burnt to a crisp, left it lying in front of Eleazar and then I was off to go talk with the pastor at the local Presbyterian Church in Napa.

The same one Emmett and I had broken the window on when we were younger.

The same one I’d worked my ass off for that summer to repay the damages.

The same one I’d been told never to enter into again after I set off some fire crackers during a New Year’s Eve service, in High School.

That was fun.

I guess I should have just been happy that he hadn’t forbidden me from holding my father’s funeral there.

Not that I couldn’t have just had it somewhere else, but Carlisle liked that church.

He’d taken me there when I was little.

I remembered getting lollipops if I stayed still during the sermons.

I liked the butterscotch ones the best.

At least the service wouldn’t be one of those overwhelmingly huge crowds, I thought, as I spoke with the pastor.

Not a lot of people would turn out, based on the history of our family.

Okay me….combined with the fact that Carlisle had been so cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs the last couple of years.

So the service would be short and sweet, and then a gathering at the house would follow.

Just a few of us, hanging out, telling stories, giving toasts.

And then what?

More drinking.

Sadly, I found myself looking around to make sure no one was watching me before cracking a chuckle at that thought.

Which is when I was visited by the first of three ghosts.

Just kidding, it was only Bella.

I laughed again, because…only…

“Hey,” she cooed from the window of the beat up old truck she was borrowing. 

She’d found me half way back to the vineyard and I smiled at her as she leaned her arm out of the truck, like a professional farmer. 

I also breathed a little easier at her presence.

My heart, however, was a little heavier.

I took her in for a moment before saying anything.

“Don’t you know it’s dangerous to pick up hitch hikers along this road?”  

My attempt at keeping things light and not all, my dad just totally died while I was sitting next to him last night.

“Well then I’m lucky you’re not actually hitch hiking,” she teased back and then pulled over. 

“Emmett said to make sure you didn’t over exert yourself today.”

I half laughed.

Over exert myself.

I hopped into the passenger’s side, instinctively reaching out for Bella’s free hand.

“How’d it go?”

I shrugged.  “Compared to?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I guess you’re right, stupid question.”  Her head shook in disappointment at herself but, in reality, just by being there right then she was making things better.

I squeezed her hand. “Not at all.”

We rode quietly after that, despite the fact that I had a ton of questions for her, still, regarding that job interview. 

I wanted to ask her about it.

Wanted to know what she’d told them that wasn’t exactly a “no”, who she’d be working for, where exactly they were located…things like that.

But then, I figured, questions about the interview would only lead to questions about why she should take it, which would bring up my plans and…quite frankly, I didn’t wanna go there.

As I watched her, covertly from my peripheral, I reminded myself that I was approximately forty-eight hours away from seeing her face for the last time.

Seeing her eyes light up when she smiled.

Touching her skin with the backs of my fingers, watching the goosebumps form.

Running my fingers through her hair.

Smelling the shampoo she used.

Putting my lips on hers.

In other words, I was two thousand eight hundred and eighty-eight minutes away from saying goodbye and the clock was ticking.

I didn’t precisely want to spend those minutes bickering over career paths and monetary security.

So, I sat there holding her hand in mine, rubbing soft circles around her knuckles, trying to learn the creases embedded there by heart.

And it would never be enough.

Any of it.

There was hustling and bustling back at the house when we arrived.

Alice was cooking for visitors that would be there the next evening.

Emmett and Rose were helping to vacuum and dust.  As though anyone would really give a shit about whether there were crumbs on the floor, or lint on the tables.

I did everything I could to avoid Carlisle’s room.

I don’t know why, I just… didn’t want to think about him not being in there, I supposed.

And there was one more thing I needed to do before it fell between the cracks.

Call a realtor.

So I told the guests in my Dad’s old home that I’d be out inspecting the vines for a while.

I took a phone with me and spoke about market prices and closing costs while I made sure things were tip top out in the processing building and walked through memory after memory around the acres of land my dad had spent the majority of his life loving.

That I’d spent the majority of my life despising and yet, I was finding it rather hard to let it go.

Once I got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore, I ended the rounds, found a liquor store and stocked up on a different sort of supply for my friends and told everyone to stop working so hard.

Alice, who hadn’t exactly been able to accept that Carlisle was gone yet, politely yet firmly excused herself and left the rest of us to the Guiness and Stellas I’d purchased for the sake of forgetting.

Even if it would only be for a little while.

Rose, Emmett, Bella and I found our places on the back patio and Pie Girl snuggled up into a chaise with me, with her back up against my chest…while Emmett let Rose have the other lounger.

He pulled the rolling cooler out so none of us would have to be bothered with getting up off of our asses for seconds, thirds…tenths… and then sat on the ground next to Rose, letting a hand find her thigh to lean on.

About three or four alcoholic beverages in, Emmett started a conversation that would eventually lead us not into temptation…but rather, unbeknownst to us…into seriously.  Deep.  Shit.

“So Ed, you think about a way to pay Felix back in spades before you go, yet?”

And ouch, that word.

Go.

I shook it off as I swigged down the remainder of my Guiness and felt Bella stiffen, in between my legs.

Which caused…other things to stiffen.

I shifted a little and then cleared my throat.

“Don’t know if that’ll happen, Em.  I mean dad’s…” I waved a new bottle at nothing.  “And Jane bailed, so…”

“I still can’t believe she wouldn’t testify, or…press charges on that asshole,” Rose added and we exchanged a look.

Because it wasn’t really all that much like Rose to wish any kind of goodness or non-ill-will on me.

It was kinda like a bonding moment only…not.

It was a non-bonding, bonding moment.

It was a decent moment.

“I mean you’d think she’d want the guy put away, not…out and about,” she added, after blinking away from my curious stare.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t kill him for touching Bells like that,” Emmett threw in to the mix.

And he had no idea how close I’d come.

I smiled. “What good would that do?”

“Exactly,” Bella added and then she leaned backwards, sliding a hand behind my neck and then she kissed me upside down like.

Lips lingering.

Tongues…touching, slightly.

It was pretty damn sexy and I was finally seeing the point in that whole scene from Spiderman Two.

All we needed was some rain.

“You lied to me today,” she whispered, with half closed eyelids and I gave her a crooked look.

“You said you were fine.”

Little white lies.

That’s all.

“I’m…”

She grabbed at my cheeks and squished my lips together, so I couldn’t say anything else.

“Don’t say fine again, Edward. I don’t like the word and lying doesn’t suit you.”

My eyes flickered to Emmett and Rose who were having a moment of their own, then they met Bella’s again and she let go of my cheeks.

I stretched them out, some.

“I’d just prefer to not to…”

“It’s okay, I get why you did it,” she told me, reaching up to kiss me again.  “I just wanted you to know, I knew.”

My lips curled up slightly and I let out a half of a snort as she sat upright and reached for another couple of beers.

And amazed even myself, at trying to fool her.

“Seriously, Ed…”

Emmett again.

Always interrupting my Bella moments.

Since the moment I’d met her.

“What?” I laughed as Guiness number…something or other was handed to me.

And he looked at me incredulously.  Like I had told him some ridiculous story, about non-existent creatures, attacking our fine city, or something.

“You’re not really gonna let it go, are you?”

“Emmett McCarty,” I teased. “You’re not…encouraging me to go…” I frowned at him. “Get myself into trouble, now, are you?”

Rose giggled and hiccupped.  “Oh lord.”

Bella shot me a look but I was very highly and drunkenly intrigued by that point.  “What exactly did you have in mind, my fellow trouble maker?”

He sat up a little straighter, grabbed himself another beer and opened it.

“Do you still have that letter Jane sent you?”

Curious.

“Yeah, why?”

“’Cause I think it’s high time we created some our own karma.”

The four of us sat there for a few minutes in silence as everyone thought it over and when we seemed to come to a mutually drunken conclusion, we clinked beers in the midst of our circle and I said, “One last hurrah…for Carlisle, then.”

“For Carlisle,” they all repeated and the last thing I really remember vividly from that night was riding in the back of Emmetts Jeep with Bella, screaming crazy battle cries, a visit to Kinkos, and chili dogs.

Which I desperately wanted to throw up into a toilet bowl the next day, when Alice shook me vigorously to get me out of bed before the funeral service.

Or rather, off of the floor.

“Jesus…” I moaned, covering my eyes from the light she was letting in.

“Edward, you’ve got about an hour and a half to get yourself ready and….ew, what were you doing last night?”  She covered her nose and I guessed that she was referring to the lingering smell of Guiness.

I personally didn’t smell anything as I felt around the blankets next to me.

“Where’s Bella?”

“She’s not here, I assumed she went home with Emmett and Rose last night,” she told me. “Or should I say, this morning?”

I squinted at the clock on the end table, trying to focus on what time it was.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, shit. That’s right. Now get up, smart ass.”

She threw a suit down onto the bed for me to change into and left me there.  I dragged my body into the bathroom for a good purge and a hot shower.

Did I mention the other thing about Irish funerals?

Half the people that show up to them are drunk, while the other half are hungover.

I’m gonna throw you a bone and give you a hint that…I wasn’t drunk anymore.

Bella had indeed gone home with Emmett after our outing and I was struggling to remember what exactly we’d done when I received the last text from her, letting me know she’d meet me at the Church.

I straightened the black tie, slipped on the black jacket and straightened the black pants I wore before heading downstairs to get Alice.

And with one last look in the mirror at myself, I decided I didn’t really like black all that much.

Or Guiness.

We picked up Dad’s remains from Eleazar’s, managed to get them into the wine bottle I’d retrieved from the stock that was still in the dining room and were actually early to the Church, believe it or not.

But only because Alice drove.

There were just a few last minute things to discuss with the pastor before I took a seat and popped some aspirin, followed up by an entire gallon of water.

I slouched a little in the pew, staring at the wine bottle holding the man who used to be so much larger than I was….while Alice greeted the people that came. It wasn’t until I felt Bella sit next to me that I even realized where I was, or what was actually going on.

My Father had died.

He was dead.

And what remained of him was in a slender, darkened bottle, sitting on top of a velvet covered table, with a picture frame sitting next to it that held an old photo of a younger man with hopes and dreams in his eyes.

“It’s too bad there wasn’t a picture of him with the vines to put up there,” I mumbled and then felt soft lips kissing the back of my hand.  “He would’ve liked that.”

I looked over at Bella, in all black, herself.

Hair, up.

Light make-up.

Twin bloodshot eyes to my own, but…

“At least one of us looks good,” I told her and she smiled, running her fingers through my hair a little to tame the crows next that probably lived there.

“How do you feel?” she asked, watching my hair with frustration and I chuckled at her a little.

“About as useless as that hairdo you’re trying to fix.”

She gave up, twisting her mouth at me.

“Emmett and Rose are here.”  She bobbed her head.  “They’re in the back.”

I nodded and before I’d gotten the chance to ask her if she’d remembered anything about our excursion just hours before, the Pastor was greeting people and beginning his speech.

I didn’t pay attention.

Didn’t hear a single word he’d said, to be honest.

I’d been staring at that picture of Carlisle the entire time, trying to imagine what he’d been like before my mother ruined his spirit.

Broke him.

Cheated on him.

And then left him with a kid to raise who he didn’t even know for sure was his.

“Didn’t matter, Edward,” he’d told me.

But didn’t it?

“…a few words from Carlisle’s son…”

Didn’t it?

Nudging.

“Edward,” Bella whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

“What?”

She nodded toward the pastor.

“Oh, right.”

I pulled myself off of the bench and…oh holy mother of god my head still hurt, but I pushed through it and got myself up to that podium to say a few things about Carlisle.

Which is when I realized…

Half the town, no…at least seventy five percent of the town had come to Carlisle’s service.

I stood there, staring out at all of them for a minute or two, just…completely dumbfounded. 

The pews were filled, the aisles were lined, people stood against the walls and were even out in the lobby area of the Church, holding the doors open to see in and hear the sermon that the pastor had given.

My eyes found Bella again, who gave me a supportive look and her Pie Girl smile, and then I started to speak.

It wasn’t what I’d previously planned on saying, though.

Those words were out the window all of a sudden.

New words came to me.

Ones that were long over due to a whole lotta people.

“I’m sure there’s a ton of you who aren’t too keen on hearing anything I might have to say today,” I said, trying to joke, but no one laughed and then I had to clear the phlegm from building up in the back of my throat a little.

Nerves.

Funny bastards.

I wiped my hands against the front of my pants to try and rid them of the sweat, then set them, palm down, onto the podium.

I leaned into the mic.

“I spent the better part of my life, focused on what a dick my dad was.”

I found Emmett and he just nodded at me.

“Funny thing is, it takes one to know one.”

More nervous laughter from me.

More aching head from the mammoth hangover.

More eerie silence from the sea of unexpected funeral attendees.

Tough crowd.

"He spent his entire adult life loving his vineyard, and Napa..." I debated the next part, but went with it. "Me."

Looks.

Lots of looks and I'm about a millisecond away from just flipping them all the bird and heading out outta there. But I wasn't doing this for me. It was for Carlisle.

I peeked down at him, on that table.

Awkward.

“Right…anyway, when I found out Carlisle was sick, I didn’t exactly expect to be here this long,” I said, only slightly looking in Bella’s direction.  “I figured I’d…you know, make sure he was in a facility…” I used my fingers to make air quotations.  “…sell the vineyard and then…I’d be on a plane back to Georgia and out of everyone’s way.”

A few murmurs sounded and I continued.  “Only something happened while I was here.  Something…unexpected…Something I couldn’t pull off in the first eighteen or so years of my life for some reason, but a few weeks back, I managed it….I learned something.”

A few snickers and hello, we’ve got a live one.

“About me…about my dad…our vineyard.” And this time, I did look at Bella.

“About people in general, and how if you just give them a chance….”

I couldn’t finish that last part.

The lumps were back.

“Anyway, I um…I think he’d be real happy you all turned up here today, despite his fuck up of a son, so…Thanks.”

I nodded, and left the podium, then and when the pastor somehow made it passed my cursing and completely inappropriate wording for a eulogy without any dirty looks or snide remarks, he excused everyone.

Who, one by one, came by to shake my hand or pat me on the shoulder before leaving, telling me how proud Carlisle was of me, or how much he loved me.

How I wasn’t the only one who’d ever made a mistake or two.

It was the roughest half hour or so of my life.

And that’s including the time I’d had to diffuse a live bomb while it was wrapped around one of my guys’ ankles in the middle of the fucking Congo.

But that’s another story, for another day.

Once the Church was cleared out, all that was left was Alice, Emmett, Rose, Bella and myself…and the pastor of course. Emmett wanted to give me a ride back to the vineyard but I told them, “I’ve gotta get Carlilse, and…” I threw a thumb over my shoulder. “Wrap up some things with the preacher dude…I’ll see you guys back at the house.”

Bella grabbed my hand and said she’d be right outside waiting for me and I pulled her to me, kissed her once and said, “Thank you.”

I watched the lot of them as they left and nearly smiled at myself for being such a bumbling idiot sometimes, then I turned to the front of the Church and walked silently to the front to retrieve Carlisle.

I didn’t see the pastor anywhere as I glanced around, but figured he was probably still saying goodbye to people as I approached the table that held the final resting “urn”.

And laughed at the word.

Footsteps sounded from behind me as I stood there, staring at that bottle and I turned, breaking through the images of weak smiles and gentle hands.

“Hey, Pastor, I….”

I started to ask him a few things but realized as the person came into view that it wasn’t him.

And I scrunched my eyebrows at him, when I saw who it was.

“Aro.”

I hadn’t seen him since I was a kid, before I’d left…hadn’t needed to…didn’t want to…and this was…highly unexpected.

He was in full on, intimidation tactic type business suit attire.

It was blue.

And he removed his driving gloves as he spoke to me.

I mean really, who wears driving gloves, still?

“Edward.”

I eyed Felix, standing next to his father, but didn’t greet him.

“What can I do for you and why the fuck are you at my dad’s funeral?” I asked him and he just smiled, politely.

Then he pulled a wrinkled piece of paper out from inside of his suit jacket.

“I’m curious, Edward,” he said, unfolding it.

"Would you like to explain why these are posted all over the town," he asked, holding it up, for me to see and I had to walk a little closer, to see the wording, as he continued. "Store windows…Light poles…bus stations…" he said. "It took my people the better part of the morning to remove the five hundred copies you managed to post."

Ya think a hundred and twenty five a piece will cover the whole town?

I squinted at the paper he held up and when as it became clearer, my heart dropped as our activities from the night before came back to me, piece by piece.

I'm putting puffy hearts all over mine.

"You realize I could sue you for libel."

I'm so fucking hungry. Where's the closest chili dog vendor dude?

Yes, suddenly, I remembered exactly what my friends and I had spent the entire night doing, because what Aro held in his hands, and was threatening a law suit over, was a copy of Jane's letter.

A/N: Dry wines have no sugar or sweetness remaining.