Chapter 29 ~ Simple Miscalculation

Day Three, Deployment

~ Edward ~

“What do you mean, she left?” 

I was holding the phone up to my ear with one hand, while the other plugged my free ear.  It was hard to hear Alice through the bad connection we were having.

Fucking military bases.

And fucking Napa, for that matter.

“I mean, I called….Hales like you asked me…They said she’d left.”

Fuck me.

Hard.

“Shit.”

I had to think…think…think… “Do they know where she went?”

“Emmett said….back to Chicago…”  static… “and that…” more static.  “Upset.”

“What?  Chicago?”

What the fuck?

“I can’t….”

“Alice?”

Nothing.

“Alice!”

She was gone.  “Goddammit.” I dialed her back, but the call refused to go through.  It was way past lights out, so there was no way to go use Jasper’s line either.

So I lay there, staring at the ceiling of my quarters for the rest of the night.  Wondering why in the hell Bella would go back to fucking Chicago.

I didn’t want my mind to allow what was seeping in.

Didn’t wanna go there.

But I did, anyway.

The ex.  She’s going back to the ex.

I threw an arm over my face.  “Why would you do it, Pie Girl?”

Because he fucking loves her.  And because he fucking told her loves her and he’s not going anywhere, dip shit.

Then I thought about all the words she’d used to describe him throughout our conversations.

Good.

Loyal.

Committed.

He was everything she needed.  Everything I couldn’t give her.  I knew that, but as I lay there, reminding myself what a fucking asshole I was for not being able to be there with her, I held on to one thing.

One thing he couldn’t take away from me.

Ever.

That yeah, maybe he deserved her more than I did.  Maybe a lot more than I did… but I doubted he could ever in a million years hope to love her more than I did.

“So fuck off,” I told him, letting my eyes close and my mind rest.

………

Oh five hundred came and went.

I skipped my run.

I showered.

I changed into my combat uniform.

I made myself eat and finished gearing up.  I loaded my weapons.  Strapped on some extras. 

Then I picked Bella’s note up and looked at it.  Until our time is up.

Was it?  I wondered.  Was this it? My time with Bella was…a few weeks…maybe more…that was all I got?  After everything?  All the bullshit, the lies, the finally doing what was right?

Trying to, anyway.

I mulled that over, blankly, while I took Dad’s letter and the picture of us from when I was a newborn and slid them into the front pocket of my shirt.  I still carried Bella’s note with me as I walked out to the courtyard.

My men were already there, gearing up to leave even though we still had a few hours.

They were psyched.

I’d been psyched before.  Ramped up.  Ready to go take on our latest challenge and save some lives.  It’s the thing that keeps you going…keeps you alive a lot of times…but this time, I couldn’t be there…where they were… and I was fighting myself inwardly to get there.

If I could just get there, I thought…maybe this could be okay again.

Maybe I could stop torturing myself over every bad decision I’d made along the way.

I looked at Bella’s note.  Maybe not.

I slipped it into my pocket, along with the other mementos.

“Jesus…Let’s go already!” bellowed Cheney.

“Yeah!” his cohort retorted.  Excitement lacing their words.

“Sarge!  You ready?”

Was I?

I heard Bella again.  Always the voice of reason…

You seem to know an awful lot about something you supposedly despise…

Cheney and Clearwater were bombarding each other with shoulder slams and Yorkie was lighting up a cigarette with another smoker, laughing about something.

You're the reason I'm here.

My chest tightened again.

I couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t think…

I couldn’t…

Don't push me away.

I couldn’t do this.

One last look to a few of the men and I turned to head over to the building that housed my commanding officer.

“Hey, where ya goin’ Sarge?” Cheney called out.

“We’re leavin’ soon!” another yelled…I think…I have no fucking clue who….and it didn’t matter.

None of it mattered.

“I can’t breathe,” I told my commanding officer, after completely disregarding the admins out in front and slamming his door open to find him sitting patiently at his desk.

He eyeballed me.

“Sir…” I added, a little too late for appropriateness.  “I can’t breathe…sir,” I corrected myself, getting to attention and continuing the stare down with the wall behind him.

He breathed out, almost defeated.

“Care to repeat that, Sergeant?” he asked me, standing up as well.

“Sorry sir, I just…” I rubbed the front of my jacket where the pain was worst.  “I think I need to lie down or something.”

And even from where I stood, staring at that wall, I could see the scowl on his face.

“You got your check up yesterday, didn’t ya?”  And now he’s walking around to where I am again, but standing just out of my peripheral.

“Yes sir.”

“Passed all your tests?” he inquired.

“Yes sir.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I couldn’t answer him.  I didn’t exactly know how to.  It turns out, though…I didn’t need to because after opening and closing my mouth a couple of times, he did it for me.

“It’s Bella, isn’t it?”

And I wished I could just see his face…read his mood.

He let another minute or two go by without saying anything and I still couldn’t see him.  Then, finally, I heard him move, muttering something along the lines of, “Goddamn that woman,” as he made his way back to his desk.

“Sir, with all due respect, this isn’t Bella’s fault.”

“I wasn’t talkin’ about her, Sergeant…” he said, disgusted as he waved a hand at nothing. “At ease.”

Confused.

I was feeling very…confused.

He made a bubble with his face as I watched him.  I’d never seen him do that, before. Then he finally let the air out.

“I’m glad ya came by this morning, Sergeant,” he told me as he sat down, pulled a drawer open, mumbling something about “know it alls”…then he removed some papers from a folder.

He laid them on his desk and gestured with a hand.  “Have a seat.”

I did.

Slowly.

“I don’t understand,” I told him, trying to see what it was he was writing on.

He wasn’t looking at me.  Wasn’t even peeking up at me. He was busying himself with that file cabinet.  “Seems I lost those papers you signed…so I’m gonna need you to sign them…again,” he told me, sliding the papers across his desk at me. 

He set a pen next to them for me and I just stared down at them.

My breathing was shallow.

I swallowed.

Don’t second guess yourself, son.

Why’s that?

You never know when life’s gonna throw you another curve ball, Edward.

The papers seemed to come alive, then, talking to me with what I could only describe as a low, monotone voice, telling me to “Stay.”

I broke the stare I had on them and looked up to see Jasper, watching me.

“You lost them?”

A small nod.

Another glance down at those unsigned papers and I’m thinking two things.

Bella.

And Bella.

My attention was back to Jasper.

He grimaced at me for a heartbeat but then leaned forward, onto his elbows.  “Ya know, Edward, its okay to fit in somewhere else for a change.”

Something in what he’d said…the way he said it…and his eyes, as they watched me.

They were…

They knew something.

Something he was intrigued with, almost.

And I thought about all of Alice’s secret calls and whispered conversations.  His pushing my buttons over the previous couple of days, questioning my motives…

“You never filed them…”

And he corrected me. “Lost them, Edward.  I would never intentionally keep papers from being filed within the United States Army.”

But there was a hint of a smirk there.  “In fact, I’m not completely convinced they weren’t lost in the commute.”

He wasn’t saying it for me.  He was saying it for anyone who might be listening.

“You knew I’d change my mind,” I told him.

He took in a bunch of air and held it for a few seconds before answering me a little quieter, that time.  “It was Alice, actually.”  He rolled his eyes a little. “She said somethin’ about you needin’ to leave before you’d realize you had to stay.”

And I felt my chest laugh, but no sound had come out.

I didn’t know whether to be…pissed off or grateful.

“And she convinced you to hold on to them?” I asked him, still a little thrown off that Jasper Whitlock, gung ho Army man who’d taught me that protecting our country was a privilege to be cherished, would do such a thing.

He rubbed at his mouth a little. “Well, I think I’ve mentioned before, she’s very…persuasive.”

I stared back down at the papers, slightly conflicted despite the elation of this new development in my current situation.

I’d still insinuated things to my men…still felt as though I’d made verbal commitment to my country…

And it was like Jasper could tell exactly what was going through my mind.  “Look, I won’t lie to ya,” he told me.  “I want ya here.  You’re my best man, Sergeant, but if I’m being honest…” he waited for me to make eye contact.  “You’ve done your time…served this country better than men I know that have been in twice as long…plus…”

“What?” 

I waited for the deep, provoking sentiment he was going to tell me, but it turned out what he said was actually very simple.

“The Army’s gonna be here forever and a day, Sergeant.  It never changes, it’s a constant…and you can always come back, but life…hell, love doesn’t always give ya second chances.”

And he was right.

Which prompted panic attack number two for the day.

“She’s about to make a huge mistake,” I told him.

“She’s a grown woman,” he practically teased, in memory of another conversation we’d had about Pie Girl. “She can make her own mistakes, just like you and me.”

I looked at those papers one more time and I knew.

I’d always known.

“I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I don’t think I can leave her.”

He smiled. “Well then I think you already know what to do.”

And we sat there for just another moment before he added, “It’s your call.”

And just like that, I grinned at him.  Because it wasn’t gonna take any more contemplating or worrying or putting my men before me.  I had a second chance. I wasn’t gonna make another bad decision.

I pushed the papers back across Jasper’s desk, unsigned, and told him, “I gotta go.”

He smiled and I thought of something.  “What about the mission?  The men?  The…”

He cocked an eyebrow at me and said, “There’s plenty of soldiers waitin’ in line to head out into a mission with those men, Sergeant.  Let me worry about that.”

And when he said that.  Those men…not my men, anymore, I realized, I was gonna have to say goodbye to them and explain myself.

We left his office together and I told him about how Bella had left to go back to Chicago to be with the ex.  Which made him question my actions and sanity.  “That doesn’t sound like a very safe move, Sergeant…goin’ all gung ho when there’s a distinct chance that she’ll tell you to fuck off when you get there.”

I laughed.  “That’s just it…I don’t care, I just have to get there…and see her…even if she tells me to fuck off.”

I was giddy to tell you the truth.

Things, for once, felt like they were going my way… were right with the world… and I hadn’t even noticed the commotion in the courtyard as we approached the men I was about to inform of my leaving.

“Let me know how it works out, will ya?”

“Will do,” I told him, turning my attention to the crowd that I was now noticing…surrounding something in their midst.

No, not something…

Someone.

A very small, in comparison, brunette headed, short short wearing, tank top flaunting…someone.

“Pie Girl?”

“Dude, he just said pie,” Cheney joked with one of the guys from behind her.  I gave him a look before focusing on the fact that Bella was there…in Georgia…at my Army base…wearing…

“What are you…?”

“Oh, I see,” she spat, waving a hand at Jasper. “While I’m pining away for your … stupid ass … you’re just having a GRAND old time, back at it with your…buddies…in your stupid matching outfits.”

And I couldn’t even begin to hide the laugh that escaped me, but the look on her face shut me up pretty quickly.  Then I told her, as serious as I could, “Uniform.”

“Whatthefuckever, Edward.”  And I’m grinning again…ear to ear, because she’s not in Chicago…she’s there, with me…on my base. 

“Are you stalking me, again?” I teased her and that seemed to piss her off even more than she was before.

But Hell, I just couldn’t help myself.

I wasn’t re-upped…I wasn’t about to leave for a mission I didn’t have passion for anymore…I was…

Probably despised by the person I was leaving it all behind for…which, didn’t bode well.

But ask me if I cared.

“Stalking you?  I wouldn’t stalk you if some one paid me to do it!” she told me.

And damn…she was the sexiest pissed off daisy duke wearing woman I’d ever seen.

“I am … so glad to see you,” I told her, ignoring her demeanor.

“This her, Sarge?” Cheney called out.  “This your Bella?”

She snapped her head around at him, almost unable to comprehend almost, that he’d said “your Bella”.  And then her attention was back on me, tilting her head just a tad, and I thought I’d noticed…maybe…just a small hint of…her.

“I’m not his anything…he left me.”

Murmurs and laughing.

This is how Army men act when they’re in the company of a good looking woman, what can I say.

“I was actually just going to get you,” I informed her and this seemed to throw her off a little.  My mouth twitched from the attempt to put the smirk away.

“Coming to get me? What do you mean?”

“To Chicago…”

“Chicago?  How did you…?”

 “Oh man, this is getting good,” from the crowd of armed military men.

Fucking Cheney. “Shut it,” I told him, eyeballing the rest.  Bella’s hand, meanwhile, is going to her hip, waiting for an answer. 

So I gave it to her. “I called Alice…who called the Hales…who said you were going back to Chicago.”

“You called?”

I smiled. “Yeah, I called.”

And more trying to be pissed off, still on Pie Girl’s part.  “So what…you’re…going AWOL…or, whatever?  Isn’t that…illegal?”

“Concerned?” I asked her, slightly raising an eyebrow while her facial expression changed just a smidge.

“Edward….”

And then there was just no way to hide the smirk anymore.  “More like, I got a second chance.”

Her eyebrows scrunched together at that and her mouth fell open just slightly; it was all I could do to stop myself from stealing her away right at that exact moment.

I was also highly surprised at how quiet the men had become.

It was almost like they were waiting for the end of a good movie, to see if the hero got the girl or not.

Then I remembered something she’d said when I first saw her standing there.  “You were pining for me?”

Not that I deserved it…

“I…”

She was flustered.  I loved it.  I couldn’t help myself. 

“What happened to, it’ll be as if you never existed?”  I asked her.  And yeah, I was being a smart ass.

She narrowed her eyes at me even more than before. “What happened to you’ll find someone else?”

“Changed my mind.”

And am hoping you’ll find some way to forgive and forget that statement.

“You…”

She shook her head at me and I was having way too much fun at Pie Girl’s expense, I thought.

I noticed we were way too far apart still, for my liking.

So I took a tentative step toward her as I cleared my throat.

“So tell me…what brings you here, anyway?” I inquired and she jutted her chin a little before letting me have it.  “I came here…to tell you you’re an idiot.”

Chuckles from the peanut gallery, but that was about it.

“An idiot.”

“That’s right.”  Says the woman who stole my heart.

“Really.”

“Yes, really. And a jackass.”

I took another step toward her. “That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”

And she noticed I was closing in.  “No,” she said, and then swallowed. 

I took another step and ignored the wolf whistles from the men around us.  It was just Bella…and me.

The rest was insignificant.

“Anything else?” I asked her and I was so close.  I could smell her shampoo again.  And could almost reach out and touch her.

I couldn’t wait to touch her again.

And I was almost afraid to.

Her will was fading.  The anger subsiding, and I could see, finally, the same thing in her eyes that I’d felt in my heart when I’d seen her.

“I thought you didn’t want me,” she whispered when I was close enough to extend a hand out to her cheek.

“That’s just crazy talk,” I told her.

“That you didn’t love me,” she said, even softer than the whisper.  And that was when I was there, holding her with both hands against me.

Where she belonged.

“Bella, I realize I was an idiot…that I said something without thinking…without taking into consideration how it would come across,” I told her, pushing the hair out of her face so I could look her in those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

“But insinuating that I don’t love you?”  I laughed a small, teasing laugh between us, letting my thumbs reiterate what I was saying against her cheek.  “That’s like insinuating that I don’t need to breathe.”

And that face of hers. Those eyes.

"So, you..."

"I love you, Pie Girl," I told her. "I'm pretty sure I have every minute of every hour of every day since I met you."

And then before she could let the tears in her eyes begin to well up, I placed my lips against hers, pulling her into me firmly, letting a hand find its way around to her back, sliding its way up to her neck…just feeling every inch of her to make sure this was real.

That she was there.

"I am so...sorry," I whispered to her and her arms grasped at me tightly to let me know...she'd forgiven me.

And all the hooting and hollering that the men were doing…all the wolf whistles and goading…it all told me…they’d understand about my leaving.

Her hand was in mine when I said goodbye to Jasper, thanking him one last time for…everything and he assured me we’d see each other again, one way or another.

The air smelled cleaner to me, I noticed, as we rode to the airport together, Bella and I, and I just held her, unaware of just exactly what I’d done in my life to deserve her, but grateful none the less.

I wasn’t looking any more gift horses in the mouth.

Ever.

And as they called our flight, while we waited in a corner, huddled together, she stretched over to me, murmuring into my ear.

“Edward…” she breathed, and I had to close my eyes while the goose bumps subsided, feeling her hot breath against my neck.

I hummed back in answer.

“I love you too,” she told me, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint the feeling it gave me to hear her say that. 

To realize that sometimes, people do understand the meaning of the words they use. 

Especially Bella.

I helped her up so we could go find our seats and maybe make out a little on our flight back to Napa, then I smiled down at her and said, “Let’s go home.”

A/N: Simple wines are light with limited aromas, flavors, and texture

And yeah, I realized that in the real world, things may not have gone down quite like that but…this is FanFiction. {smiles}…