Chapter 26 ~ Bitter Finish

Edward.

Waking up wasn’t hard, that last day in Napa.

Sleep had never come for me.

I’d watched Bella all night.

Watched her breathe in and out, listened to the whispers she would let out every so often, let a finger skim the side of her face a few times.  Smiled as the goosebumps rose and she shivered in her sleep.

And I enjoyed those last hours, even if she was unconscious.

Getting out of bed, though… leaving her… that was difficult.

I hadn’t anticipated quite how difficult it would be, in fact, as I willed my legs to move and my heart to pump.

We’d discussed this a few times, on and off.  I would argue that it would be too hard to say goodbye.  Bella always came up with it being better than not saying goodbye, but, in the end, I left it up to her.

With one last note left on the pillow next to her, I slipped out of the room and took a final run before heading back to Georgia.

It was bittersweet.

And the action that had previously cleared my head on several occasions was suddenly muddying everything even more.

New memories had replaced the old, sour ones and I no longer felt the anger pounding against my skull as I sped passed other wineries.

I let the scented air flow through me, paid close attention to the dirt under my feet and heard Carlisle’s last words to me, the ones from his letter, over and over again in my head.

They speak to you, too, Edward.

Mile marker one.

Don't ignore them, son.

Mile marker two.

It's yours.

Mile marker three, four and five and I wondered, was it?

It wouldn’t be, for long.  I had to sell it. 

Didn’t I? 

Wasn’t that what I’d wanted to accomplish?

Mile marker six… better turn around.

Maybe at first…but…now?  It no longer felt like the right thing to do but I couldn’t take care of it, not from Georgia.

And Aro.

Even if I refused to sell to him, gave specific orders to a realtor not to sell to him… that didn’t mean someone else wouldn’t, eventually. 

Did I really want my father’s land in the hands of that family?

I was flying off balance with all the notions that were taking over my thoughts. 

Feeling a sense of irresponsibility that outweighed even the combined irresponsibilities that I think of throughout my childhood and teen years.

By the time I returned to mile marker one, I had decided, I’d make a call to the realtor again.

To cancel the contract to sell.

I wasn’t sure what that was going to mean exactly, until I returned to the house and caught a glimpse of Alice, chatting with one of the workers in the fields.

I went to Carlisle’s office, and ignored the pang in my chest at imagining him sitting there, behind his desk, and began to conjure up some arrangements.  Alice was caretaker, why would it be any more of a reach for her to be named financial caretaker as well?

Then she could make the call.

And I knew if anyone was going to keep the well being of the vineyard intact, it was her.

It could also be construed as a safety net for me. 

In case I didn’t make it back this time.

Once that was all squared away, I headed upstairs and felt a distinct sense of loss as I entered my bedroom to start packing, seeing that Bella was no longer there.

That she had decided it was best to avoid the goodbye, after all.

I had to stop and remind myself that it had been my idea in the first place.

That thought wasn’t much consolation though, and I debated calling her but, in the end, decided if she’d left, I would have to respect that decision.

I thought about her constantly as I got ready, though, pulling the Army issued uniform out of my closet that had hung there since the first day I arrived back home.

As I pushed the wrinkles out of it, I realized I never had asked her directly, again, about that job offer.  I thought maybe once I was settled in back at base, maybe I’d write her.  Tell her how important it was for her to live out the plans she had for herself.

Then I laughed.

Because she’d probably read it, roll her eyes and think how I always made things about me.

She’d do what she felt was right for her, I thought.  No doubt about it.

There was no need for a letter.

I got a shower.

I ate.

I dressed.

Moved through the motions for a while.

Then I stared out at the vines, hopelessly thinking about pies, followed up with touching, kissing, biting, teasing…

A certain someone stripping down to absolutely nothing under the moonlight.

I grinned.

“Want me to give you a ride?” Alice asked me from the door way, startling me out of my day dreams.

I picked up the small pile of things I’d left out and slid dad’s letter, Bella’s note and the picture I’d taken into my shirt pocket.

“Nah,” I told her, shrugging.  “I arrived alone, it’s probably best I…leave alone.”

I smiled at her but she just grimaced.

Annoyed.

I got the feeling she wanted to cry, but Alice was thoughtful in that she held the tears back.

“Fine, then,” she breathed, putting on the hardened shell once more for me. “At least call when you get there.”

I laughed.  “Are you gonna be okay?”

“The question isn’t whether I’ll be okay, Edward.”  She nearly spat the words and then just before turning on her heal, she asked, “The question is, are you?”

“Alice,” I called out and she popped her head back in at me, glaring this time.

“You got the paperwork I left downstairs?”

She hesitated before answering me a little softer that time. “I got it.”

I nodded and she left again.

I was pretty much leaving her in charge of not only the vineyard, but also the whole of the financial situation at hand until I could square a few more things away.  It would have to be remotely, since I really couldn’t put off leaving anymore.

It would give her something to do, somewhere to stay and bring some money in for her, for a little while anyway.

I at least felt good leaving things in her hands.

I took one last look around the bedroom.

The last thing I took note of was the baseball bat that sat in its corner, once again.  The lumps threatened an encore, so I left, finally, swinging the duffle I’d come home with over my shoulder.  When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Alice wasn’t around, but I’d half expected it.  She was only giving me what I wanted, after all.

I thought about taking a cab, but I had some time, so I walked.

The workers waved to me from over at the processing building and I smiled over at them, nodding.

And its funny how, when you want time to speed up, it just slows.

And visa versa.

Because it felt like it took a nano-second to get to the bus station.

I had flashbacks of my dad taking me, the first time I’d left.

The look on his face.

The look on my face.

How I wouldn’t even say goodbye to him.

I pushed the memory away before the bitterness had a chance to spread, letting some more recent ones in.  Like of him visiting the processing building and telling me about those raspberry Zins or…telling me what a great job I’d done on the vineyard.

Telling me those bottles that I broke weren’t all that important…

That the vines called to me.

I was lost in thought when I noticed a crowd, near the bus stop.

Which was odd, seeing how the day of the week and the time of day constituted very few people typically.

Then, I saw who they were.

Emmett, Rose, the Hales…Alice.

There were some other people from around town who’d I guess had read the copies of Jane’s letter we’d posted and came just to shake my hand…wish me luck…using words like “proud” and “fine example”, making my head spin just a tad.

I peeked around shoulders as I said goodbye to people, trying not to be rude, but attempting to find the one person I really only gave a shit about seeing, one more time.

But she wasn’t there.

I blankly said some thanks and see ya’s and tried not to think about never seeing Pie Girl again as Emmett stepped up to me and bear hugged me, telling me to come back alive.

Then I saw her.

Behind him.

Watching me hug the shit out of my best friend with a sort of pained smile on her lips.

I let go of him, slowly, not exactly having the ability to speak since I hadn’t really planned a whole goodbye speech or anything.

That’s when I decided I didn’t really need a speech.

I just needed her.

To feel her against me, one more time.

To tell her…

What?

“Hey,” she said to me, as I put two arms around her and pulled her into me.  And, after I reluctantly let go of her, she stuffed her hands into her jean pockets and I half smiled down at her.

Still amused with the girl who was completely unaware of just exactly how she’d affected me.

“You do this?” I asked, nodding at no one.

Everyone.

And she smiled wider. “I just thought it wasn’t right for you to leave this time, thinking no one cared.”

After a heart beat, she added, “Sorry I left this morning, I needed time to…”

“Well,” I said, cocking an eyebrow.  “It is always about me, isn’t it?” and she shook her head, hiding a small laugh.

Or maybe it was a tear.

“Didn’t think I was gonna see you again,” I told her, pushing some hair behind her ear for her.

Then a hand left its pocket and held mine there, against her face, and I let a thumb rub tiny somethings against her lips.

She kept it there for a moment or two while she let her eyes close and, when they opened again, she took me in finally.

All of me.

And made a disgusted noise through her nose at me, rolling her eyes to accompany the sound.

I crinkled my brow at her. “What?”

“I knew you’d be overly sexy in that outfit.”

And if I wasn’t so fucking emo at the time, I’d have laughed at the word she’d used.  “Uniform, Bella, it’s a uniform, not an outfit.”

It wasn’t half bad, I thought, the goodbye.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

Her lips pursed then, like she was determined about something.

She eyed a few of the people standing around chatting, and I noticed she exchanged a look with Emmett, who looked as though he was cautioning her about whatever it was.

Saying the actual words, maybe.

Which was going to suck.

But then, this is why I hadn’t wanted anyone here when I left in the first place.

I took a deep breath in, preparing for what she’d say.

“Edward,” she breathed, looking up at me with those Pie Girl eyes and those…soft lips of hers, parted slightly and suddenly, I knew.  I knew what was running through her mind because it was running through mine too.

But there wasn’t any way around it.

“Don’t,” I begged her quietly.

“Please just…”

“Bella,”

“Stay.”

Pleading eyes.

A wordless stab to the heart.

Dammit.

Because there it was. 

It was one thing for her to say it while she was sleeping but now…

Now it was out there and I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t heard it or tuck it away into my heart, because just knowing she wanted me.

Wanted me to stay, it could be enough.

It could.

“You know I can’t do that,” I told her, trying not to let the stab wound show.

“Why? You have a free will, Edward, you don’t have to go back …”

 “Bella…”

“You don’t….Jasper would understand…he’d…”

It was killing me.

Her voice.

“Bella,” I said more sternly.  Almost as though she was one of my men, when they weren’t listening to a goddamn thing.

And those eyes.

My chest.

The pain.

It was all killing me.

“I signed the papers,” I breathed out and it was worse.  Her eyes.

The confusion.

The question I could see coming…

“You…”

“I signed them, when Jasper was here.”

“What?  Why?”

And truthfully, I told her, “I have no idea.” But it wasn’t going to be enough for her.  “I guess I…” I felt my head moving from side to side. “Thought I was doing the right thing…I’d promised him…promised my men…”

I thought you’d leave for Chicago with the fiancé.

But she didn’t really need to hear that last part.

Her eyes fell and Emmett was approaching the conversation now, noticing that it wasn’t going the way she’d planned.

I guessed they must have discussed it.

Then she looked up to me again, with a little hope left. “I could come with you.”

And this was going to be the hardest day of my life.

The worst goodbye of all time.

I was angry.

At me.

At dad.

Felix.

Aro.

Bella...Emmett...everything and everything for making this situation what it was.

Fucked.

 “Bella, you can’t do that to yourself.”

“I could….”

“And what?  Hang out with the Army wives?” I asked her, feeling not only her temper starting to rise, but my own, as well.

For her.

For me.

I don’t know.

“You’d hate them.”

“It wouldn’t be all the time,” she pushed. But for every plea she made to go, I had a reason why she shouldn’t.  The main one being, it wasn’t what she wanted to do with her life. 

Hang out at base while I was off, somewhere that she wasn't privy to?

Not knowing whether I'd come home or not.

I'd watched too many families fall apart like that.

Watched too many women break when their husbands didn't make it home.

But I couldn't tell her that.

She was too stubborn.

 “I’m not even there ninety percent of the time, Bella… and when I am there…I’m…not right.”  Which was true. I wasn't myself during those brief visits back to base after a mission...and I wouldn't want her having to deal with that.

She finally stopped.

I couldn’t tell who Emmett felt more sorry for.

Her, or me but probably himself... for having to deal with the aftermath of this conversation.

Couldn't blame him, there.

 “So you don’t want me…?” she was asking, and it was like that knife in my chest, pushing deeper, when she said that.

“You know I do.”

Quivering lips.

I can’t handle quivering lips.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know,” I told her, taking a cheek with my hand again.

I could have sat there and told her how I didn’t want to go either.

How I’d have given my good fighting arm to stay with her.

But it only would have made things worse.

Then with one last look of desperation in her eyes, she found mine and said, “I just found you.”

Tell me about it.

And ya know sometimes, when you think you’re saying or doing something that you actually believe will make the person who’s doing or saying something painful to themselves feel better?

But really, it’s not?

It just hurts?

That’s what happened next.

Both feet…my mouth.

“You’ll find someone else,” I advised her.  Encouraging her, even.

What was wrong with me?

And as the words flitted out into the air, I wanted to grab them.  Stuff them back in and sew my lips together but it was too late.

The look on her face… it went well beyond the pained ones she’d worn just before that as she pulled away from me.

Like she didn’t know me at all.

Her eyes narrowed.

Her demeanor changed.

A sound or two of sudden disgust with my attitude.

And a hand flicked out in between us, palm up.

“I didn’t…”

“Give me you cell phone.”

“What?”

“Give. Me. Your. Cell. Phone.”

I couldn’t control the contortions that my face was making, as I eyed Emmett and pulled the device out of my bag, handing it over to her like she had insisted.

Wondering why she’d…

Then I figured it out.

“Come on, Pie Girl...” I tried to tease but it was too late for that.

And as she deleted her number from it, along with the call history, she told me, “Don’t call me that, I’m not your Pie Girl,” handing me the phone back.

“I was just trying to…” I let out some air, frustrated.

Hurt.

Frustrated.

This was not going well, suddenly…the whole…goodbye thing and I was getting really peeved at the idea of it, all over again.

She followed deleting herself from my phone with removing me from hers, as well.

“There,” she said.  “It’ll be like you never existed, then I can go…find someone else.”

“Bella…”

She spun on her heels and left me standing there and Emmett, who at least had a little sympathy for me, patted my shoulder.  “She’ll get over it, dude.”

I watched her walk away from me, not even bothering to look back.

Even if she did get over it, it wouldn’t matter.

Maybe it was best.

For her at least, to be angry… move on… but still, “This is why I don’t like goodbyes.  I suck at them.”

I started after her.

Honest.

But the clock was my enemy and time was limited.

People left, the bus was waiting and I had a flight to catch, so I took one last look to see if she was going to make a reappearance and then shook Emmett’s hand.  “Thanks man,” I told him.  “Take care of her will ya?”

He nodded and smiled. “You know it.”

“And make sure she takes that job over in the City.”

He gave me an odd look then, but didn’t say anything, even though it looked like he wanted to.

“What?”

“I just…I mean…yeah, I’ll tell her,” he said and then just like that, I left.

The bus ride sucked.

The airplane was worse.

The stewardesses on the plane asked me questions.  I ignored them.

People tried to make polite small talk, noticing my…outfit.  I didn’t hear a word they said.

All I could do was stare out the window, wondering how I’d let what should have been the precious last moments I’d had with Pie Girl go right down the shitter.

It would have been better had she not brought them all there.

I leaned forward and closed my eyes, holding my head in my hands and vaguely remember someone asking if I was going to be sick.

I may as well have been.

But instead of answering them, I worked on visualizing her face.

Bella’s.

The first time we met.

"You planning on blowing up the station?"

"That's not funny."

"It was a little funny."

Her first visit to the vineyard… and her shy demeanor that day as she held pastries out to me.

"I brought you a pie."

Her intuitive attitude.

“I know who you are, Edward.”

The wine tasting.

The day after the wine tasting.

The caves…

Mother fuck…the wine caves.

The grape crushing…

Our first time, together…

Our last time together.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up abruptly during what turned out to be turbulence, but I’d thought it was me, falling off of a cliff after Bella pushed me in anger for what I’d said to her earlier.

“Shit.”

I’d blurted it out a little louder than I’d anticipated and another stewardess stopped to make sure I was okay.

To which of course I told her, “Fine.”

We landed.

Finally.

And I caught a cab back to Ft. Benning, pulled my cell out a few times to call Bella, but then remembered her number wasn’t there anymore.

I wondered if I could get a hold of Alice, then maybe coerce her to get Bella’s number so I could at least call and apologize for my sincere idiocy.

Then I was there.

It seemed like only a few days since I’d left and yet, it felt like forever.

The base was exactly as I’d left it.

Men hustling, troops doing drills.

It was almost dinner time and over at the officer’s administrative building, I saw my commanding’s office light still on.

I dropped the duffle onto the bed in my barrack and headed over there first, before anyone was able to notice I’d returned.

I thought for a second that Bella was there, at camp, when a cook crossed the courtyard with a pie in her hands, but then realized that was stupid.

Of course it wasn’t her.

After I checked in with the front administratives and they cleared me, I walked purposefully back to Jasper’s office and entered quietly.

He was sitting at his desk, typing something up. 

Email, maybe.

And I took my place in front of his desk, standing at attention, staring straight ahead.

Then I saluted.

“All settled yet, Sergeant?” he asked, not bothering to look up right away.

It wasn’t anything personal.

It was an officer thing.

“Not yet, sir, checking in first.”

Straight ahead.

No room for thoughts of her, here.

“Good, go get unpacked, then re-pack, we’re deploying in three days.”

My stare down with the wall broke when he’d said that and I turned to look at him for just a second as he finished writing that something up. “Three days?”

“Yep.”

Then he looked up at me. “You have a problem with three days, Sergeant?”

Back at the wall but still, hesitation.

You’re back to work.

Remember that.

This isn’t Napa.

“No sir.”

“And you know the rules, no telling the loved ones where we’re going.”  He got up finally and held a folder up for me to take that would give me all the information I’d need to become familiar with our next destination.

“No one to tell, sir.”

He hesitated, to the side of me.

I couldn’t see the exact expression on his face but it felt like he was sizing me up, making decisions, I wasn’t sure, then he told me, “At ease.”

My feet parted and I relaxed some but not much, with my hands clasped behind my back.

“What do you mean?”

I had to swallow before answering him.  “She deleted herself from my phone.”

From my life.

“Ouch.”

Yeah.

Another hesitation.

On my commanding’s part, this time.  Then he walked back around to the other side of his desk.  “Just as well, anyway, right?”

Not looking.

Not looking.

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Okay, Sergeant, you’re dismissed.  I’ll expect you at the briefing, details are in your folder.”

“Yes, sir.”

Another salute, followed by a spin on my army boots and I left the room quietly as expected, but stopped outside Jasper’s door, leaning up against the wall, staring at nothing.

I felt sick.

I felt alone and pissed and disappointed and really, really sick.

“Don’t second guess yourself, Edward,” Carlisle told me again, and I had to shake the vision of him standing next to me out of my head before I headed back to my barracks to go over my report.

It was Standard Operating Procedure.

I’d done it a thousand times, it felt like.

Review your mission, brief the men, gear up, leave.

But I couldn’t focus.

Couldn’t think about anything but Bella and warm hands, deep kisses and those stupid fucking vines back in Napa Valley, California.

And one more thing that wouldn’t stop repeating itself, as I walked through the courtyard.

Something that I felt was going to haunt me for a very long time.

And I felt the onset of a small yet precise and familiar pain in my chest, hearing those two words.

Three days.

A/N: Bitter wines are often caused by having too much tannin, it’s not often a desirable trait in wine.

Finish is the residual flavors and aroma of a wine on the palate after swallowing.